Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

What A Man Wants, What A Man Needs (edited)

Sorry for abusing the title of a Britney Spears song, but I thought that it was appropriate for today's post.

I came up with the idea for this post as I was about to go to sleep last night/this morning, in a seriously sleep-deprived state, and decided to go through with it this morning (after only two hours of sleep).

Men and women are different.  Anyone who thinks that we aren't different is some sort of freakin' idiot, in my humble opinion. 

Look, the emotional states of men and women are often different, our physical beings are different.  Men and women reason differently, and often react to a wide range of physical and mental stimuli differently.  We aren't the same, and I am among those who are happy to shout "Vive le difference!"(that's French, doncha know?!).

Yes, men and women are different, and I believe that we are different for very good, and usually complimentary reasons.  While I celebrate those differences, I think that it has to be said, clearly, that we aren't quite as different as we make out.  Sure, aside from the obvious things that I just mentioned, we all tend to want the same things when it comes to a relationship.  Those things may be valued in different orders, or given differing amounts of weight in terms of importance, but the items tend to remain fairly standard.

So, just because you asked for it... or even if you didn't, here (in no particular order) are the punchy, sleep-deprived Gunfighter's, list of things that men and women want from their partner in a relationship:

• Respect
• Attention
• To feel that they are listened to, and that their words and feelings are important to their partner
• Fidelity
• To be prized (doesn't everyone want to be someone's favorite?)
• To be supported (emotionally/professionally/spiritually)
• Security
• To be admired
• Great (or even good) sex
• Honesty
• Trust
• Love
• Laughter

There you have it. 

Anyone care to add anything else?  If so, feel free in the comments section.

WTF Wednesday: What Kind of Man Does This?

I know that I mentioned this last year, but I hope you won't mind if I talk about it again.   I'm talking about that crisis of men who don't get it (MWDGI).  Men Who Don't Get It are guys like the two particular examples that I saw yesterday at the Magic Kingdom.  Mrs gunfighter and SoccerGirl decided that the first thing they anted to do at the Magic Kingdom was to ride the train that circumnavigates the park, all the way from the entrance, around the park and back to the entrance.  Fun, right?  Sure... why not, it's vacation, eh?

So, there I was, in Mickey Mouse ears, and my really boss Wiley X sunglasses, getting on the train... when I saw a woman struggling to get her child's stroller on the train.  Well, whats a Man to do?  I put the (heavy a**) stroller on the train for her, for which she was grateful.  Hey, I don't mind, it's not that big a deal, ok?  Well, at least, I didn't mind until I noticed that the man smiling at me sheepishly wasn't some guy who thought I was hawt, it was this lady's HUSBAND!  The father of the child whose stroller I just put on the train!

Dude.  What's that all about?  Why weren't you doing that for your wife and kid?  You don't get it, and when I am King, guys like you are going into the penal battalions.  That is, after you are neutered.

The next example comes from the area over near Splash Mountain.  Now, I don't do flume rides, but this one is a particular favorite of Mrs Gunfighter and SoccerGirl.  They decided to brave the long line (or line-up for you Canucks) while I waited and fiddled with my Blackberry, trying to make it do more cool stuff.  I was waiting near the entrance/exit for the ride, in a place that is on a bit of an incline (there is a bridge there), which is a great place to watch people.  While I waited, watched, and fiddled, I saw a woman, a pretty little thing, pushing this huge tandem stroller (two kids included), up the incline.  She was really leaning into it, and huffing and puffing as she did so... all while her husband walked along-side, with nothing in his mitts.

Now, I realize that I only saw what I saw, and that what I saw may not have given me the whole story in both of these incidents, but from where I sat, I saw what I saw and I didn't like it.

Men:  We can't be good and decent men while the ladies in our lives (or ladies who are strangers) struggle to things that we should be helping with.

Ladies:  Don't get mad at me for suggesting you need help.  I know that you are strong, but a man should at least OFFER to help when you are struggling.

In a few minutes, we are heading for Disney Studios... and if I see any more guys like you, there might be... problems.

WTF Wednesday: The All-Way Stop

So, there I was, on my way home from Wal-Mart* today (well it was Tuesday... or, it IS Tuesday... but not when you are reading this.  It's Tuesday Now, as in my now, this moment... are you tracking?  Good).  Anyway, as we were about to stop at the four way stop about a half mile from our house, another car came to a stop coming from a different direction.  The fellow driving the first car looked at me as if to say "are you going to drive through or what?" Which, of course was the exact look that I was giving him.

Now, don't anyone get mad at me for saying this, but I have to tell you that moving through a four way stop should be pretty simple for any even quasi-sentient being.

You see, it works like this:  Whomever stops first gets to proceed through the intersection first... and then the next person who arrived, and so on until the intersection is cleared.

Simple, right?  Well, it really is, but there is a trick to it, you see.  In order to do it right, you have to do one thing which is critical to the smooth operation of the all-way stop.  Do you know what that thing is?  I'll tell you: 

It's a simple maneuver called PAYING ATTENTION!!!

See... if you don't get this part right, you ruin the whole thing.  Now, I know that a lot of you folks out there in bloggity-land are nice people, and as a rule, I try to associate myself with nice people (in hopes that some will rub off), but truly I say unto you, the nice people of the world:  THE ALL WAY STOP IS NO PLACE TO BE NICE!  It's also no place for your cell phone, your Blackberry, or talking to all four of the other occupants of your vehicle... Get the picture?

This isn't a GEICO commercial, you know! Pass through the intersection by precedence based on who got there first.  Not only is it the law, it's easier for everyone.  Go show how nice you are by baking bread for a neighbor, or donating food to the needy..... being "nice" in traffic causes accidents.

So... back to my wee incident.  Soup-for-brains sits there looking at me, and I at him, until I gave the both hands-up-in-the-air-WTF?-shrug.  He got the signal and eventually drove through.  Now, I know what you want to ask... really, I do.  You want to know why I didn't just drive on, right?  Well, the reason is that if I had done that, the nincompoop in that car would have probably decided to be affronted and would have tried to drive through so he could get through before me.

The dirty so-and-s0!

So, my friends, the WTF for this Wednesday is this:  What The **** is wrong with people and their inability to negotiate something as simple as and all-way stop?

If you have an answer, get back to me.

 

*Yes, I shop at Wal-Mart.  Don't get all righteous on me, ok?  When the local Mom & Pop store starts selling socks and underwear (and DVD's & wine), I'll start buying it there.

WTF Wednesday: The Whale Tail

Hello, and welcome to the first ever on-time edition of WTF Wednesday!

Today, I want to talk to you about something that has been bothering me for quite a while.  I have held back from talking about it because I really don't want to come across like a crotchety old dude... but I can't help it. As I get older and crotchety-er it is just more and more who I am.  Sue me... I'm a blogger... this is what I do.

I'm betting you have already heard the term "Whale tail".  Would I win that bet?  Sure I would.  I'm willing to bet further and say that you have heard of this term and it's application had nothing to do with neither the tail of a whale protruding out of the sea, nor a rear spoiler on a Porsche 911.

No... you know what I am talking about, don't you?  Uh huh... those really irritating chicks who need validation so badly that they where their pants so low slung on their hips that everyone who has eyes to see, can look at them and know that they are wearing thong underwear.

Hold on a second... I am not going on a tear about what kind of underwear you wear... if you wear thong underwear, knock yourself out.  Freedom of underwear and all that.  If you choose NOT to wear underwear, also your own affair... but do you really think that I need to know about your underwear choices unless we are intimately involved?  Really?  C'mon girls, put your big girl clothes on now.

Seriously.  Now.

Trust me when I tell you that few people will think highly of you for your choices.  As I said, wear what you will... but share your panties with your friends and special loved ones, ok?

Now, since A Modern Warrior's Life is all about equality, let me take a similar group to task.  This group which is comprised of equally stupid people, is comprised (mostly) of males of the species.  I say males because it is awfully difficult for me to call a person wearing their trouser belted under their a**es, men.

I have never been a fashionable man... I never wear clothing based on what happens to be popular... but, I understand that some people do, and I'm not being critical of that.  This is just.... well... stupid.

WTF?

WTF Wednesday! (2)

Welcome back to WTF? Wednesday!  As a matter of fact, welcome back for the second time that WTF? Wednesday has appeared on Thursday.  There is a legitimate reason for this, but I am afraid that if I told you, you probably wouldn’t believe me, so I’ll just let it go, and simply say that whether it is Wednesday or Thursday, I am glad to see you.

This week’s WTF? Has been percolating in my tiny little Gunfighter brain for a good long while now, and it truly came to a head over the last three weeks.  As you all know, and certainly don’t need me to tell you, Spring has finally sprung.   Of course the weather in May varies from place to place all over the world, and this is no less true here, in these United States.

In the great Commonwealth of Virginia, where I have the deep pleasure to reside, the weather has gone from pleasantly not-cold to nearly sultry in a short period of time, and the result of this is that people have rapidly shed their winter clothing.  While this can be considered a good thing by most people, it has had a profound effect on someone like me, who considers himself an observer of the human condition (which might just be a nice way of saying that I am a nosey-parker). 

Anyway, as I have been sitting in the car line in front of Soccer Girl’s school for the last several afternoons, I have noticed a pattern emerging from my group of mom-friends.  Yes, I said “mom-friends”  I said this because I am one of the dads who does afternoon pick-up, but we are relatively few in number.  Anyway, I often chat with the moms (the ones I can stand to talk to, anyway) about a whole lot of nothing if I bother to park the car and stand out in front of the school, but since I have been getting back into town from work in a more timely manner of late, I’ll just get in the car line, as I can be right at the front door if my timing is good.

So, as the weather warmed up, I began to notice what seem to be a de facto uniform amongst the stay at home moms that I regularly see.  The uniform goes something like this:  Capri pants (or do they call them crop-pants these days?) a sleeveless polo or sleeveless button-down shirt, and some god-awful Crocs or Birkenstock sandals.

WTF?

Is there some sort of Suburban Mom Style Manual that I haven’t heard about?

Now, since many of the folks who read this blog are moms, I want to put out the call and ask:  WTF is up with the outfit?  @ SG’s school, this outfit is usually accompanied by an all-important accessory, a smaller sibling in the 2 to 4 year old range, as well as hair that isn’t quite clean, and often, in the case of one of the more irritating moms, BRALESS!  Now, I have to say that the sight of thinly covered, unrestrained breasts has never caused me any ill-effects in the past, it certainly is doing so now.

NOW HEAR THIS, BOOBIE WOMAN!  Put those things away!  No… really.  It’s not a cute look.  It’s not cute, especially when it looks like you may not have bathed in the last 24 hours, or trimmed your toenails in the last 24 weeks!  Ewww.

Seriously, moms… help a brother out!   WTF is up with the outfit?

WTF Wednesday!

Sorry about yesterday, folks... you know how it goes, though, right?

Busy life.... that weird thing that I have called a job... it all conspires to keep me from blogging, which I was trying to do at midnight with no success... because falling asleep as you type means that it is time to go to bed! Anyway, here we are, for the first ever installment of WTF? Wednesday (the Thursday edition).

The premise here is simple: On wednesday, I am going to post about something that has happened to me during the past week that made me think (or say) "What The F***?" I came up with this idea nearly a year ago, and I started writing about it, but, apparently, I was overcome by events.

So. Here we go. Actually, I have a few WTF? issues today:

*** Guy in the red Corvette convertible on I-95 this morning, at 0530, in the Springfield interchange... You must have the smallest penis on planet earth if you need that thing to make you feel good about yourself! I won't publicize that stupid personalzed license plate of yours, but you sir, are a LOSER! You are balding, and you have a bad comb-over, and you really think that any woman will want you because of that car? Dude. WTF?

*** Asian jogging chick... crossing to the other side of the already very wide jogging/walking trail wouldn't stop me from abducting you if I was really of a mind to do so, so why do you bother? WTF? Since interacting with me clearly terrifies you, I will endeavor to stop saying "good morning" as we pass each other.

***What? Kris Allen beats Adam Lambert in American Idol? In what universe is that even remotely possible? I know that there are people who will strongly disagree with me on this, and thats ok, but, seriously?

Kris Allen?

Danny Gokey, ok, but not Kris Allen.

WTF?