Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

Old Ladies

When we were in Florida a few weeks ago, we had the occasion to try and hide out from a fast-moving thunderstorm (as you get in central Florida in the afternoons), right as we neared the Norwegian pavillion at EPCOT. 

While we joined the queue for the Norwegian themed ride called Maelstrom,were were joined by two young couples from Providence, Rhode Island, who were behind us in the line, just as we were behind a family group the consisted of a boy of around 10, a young teen-aged girl, a woman in her 40's and an older woman, who seemed to be the matriarch of the group, who was using one of those electric scooters that are fairly common to folks with mobility problems.  The old lady's family were all in front of her, and she pulled up the rear, directly in front of me, In her scooter.

Well, the line was progressing steadily towards the ride's loading area, when all of a sudden, my family and the group behind us were assaulted by what had to be the most horrendous fart in human history.

Now, friends, you know that I don't really like to talk about such things at my blog.  I think things scatalogical are best left for other venues... but I have to tell you that this was bad.  Wait.  No, it wasn't just bad.  To say that this was bad would do a grave in justice to the gravity of this situation.  this was just plain freakin' horrible!  You know, I get I get it... I understand that we can all be gassy at times.  I understand that we all have our moments, but this was just too much.  This evil cow didn't even have the grace to play the old lady card and laugh and say "oops!  Sorry about burning your eyebrows and nostril hairs off with that one."

Seriously.  Who does that? 

I'll answer my own question:  Boorish old ladies do it, that's who!

To prove my point, we will shift scenes and fast forward to last week, while I was shopping at Wegmans, I went to get some baking soda (soccergirl needed it for her itchy bug bites acquired at Girl Scout camp), and there was an older couple and a few other people in the aisle.  The older couple was standing right where I was going... and when I was about three feet away I heard a loud Brrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!coming from the old lady.  Everyone in the aisle looked aghast, and the lady never flinched.  Her husband had the grace to look mortified, as everyone else, with a look of horror on our faces, turned and fled the aisle.

Now, really.  No seriously.  That ain't right.  It's not even close to being right.  The very least she could have done would be to have gone someplace else to let that thing fly.

What is it that I am missing here?  That type of sophomoric behavior is usually the province of young men in their teens and early twenties.  Is it some sort of old lady empowerment thing?  Do they not care because they are getting too old to be bothered with the niceties of civil behavior?

Help a brother out, here.

Here is a picture of the offender in Florida.  The dirty cow!

 

Wegmans: More Than Just a Supermarket

Some time ago, I mentioned that the end of one relationship can lead to the start of another... well, I not only still believe that, but I believe it more fervently than I ever did.

The supermarket nearest to our home, GIANT, closed a month or so ago... it was time for it to close, truthfully... the company, which had changed hands in the past few years seemed not to give a Tinker's damn about the store or it's customers.  Well, good riddance, we say.  There's a new girl in town, and her name is Wegmans.

Those of you who have shopped at a Wegmans supermarket already know what I am talking about, those of you who haven't, well, I'll try to explain.  You see, as the title of this post says, Wegmans isn't just another supermarket.  No, it isn't one of those shi-shi stores like Whole Foods, that sells all earthy crunchy stuff (not that I am knocking whole foods... I truly love them too).  Wegman's isn't just a high-end grocer.  Not at all.  Here in eastern Prince William County, Virginia, Wegmans has become quite the destination. 

Here is the deal.  Wegmans sells organic foods, Wegmans sells high-end meats and cheeses, Wegmans has a well-stocked wine shop... but these things aren't what makes the place special.  Look, not only can we get the things that I just mentioned, you can also have a decent meal... and if you have spent much time in the restaurant wasteland of Woodbridge, you know that this isn't always the easiest thing to do. 

The opening of this store was the most exciting thing to happen to Woodbridge in a ling time... certainly in the 14 years that we have lived here.  Wegmans will be the anchor for the new entertainment destination that is being built here at the intersection of I-95 and  Opitz blvd., and already it ha become the place to see and be seen.

As I type this, I am sitting on the very spacious balcony of the dining section, that overlooks not only the dining area, but part of the produce section as well.  Since I have been here (about 30 minutes) I have seen several people that we know.... two of our neighbors, and two members of our church congregation.  This isn't an abberation, friends, it has happened practically every time we have been in this store since it opened two weeks ago.  This store not only sells the things that I mentioned earlier, but it also sells regular groceries, at exceptionally competitive prices.  It also seats over 500 people, both indoors and on a covered outside terrace, sells prepared foods... gourmet pizza, sandwices, wraps & paninis, freshly prepared crab cakes, a great salad bar... not to mention a full menu seafood grille.

Good times, good times.

Well, time for me to wrap up and get back on the road.  Those of you in the northern Virginia area... you need to make a trip to the new Wegmans (which, by the way, is the largest in the state), If you see a very large black man with a look of joy on his face, it'll probably be me.