Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

Today In Confederate History (7)

Where were we in our story? Oh, right... The rebs are getting their deserved beating, as befits traitors.

Today I want to talk about a particular poltroon by the name of Robert E. Lee. Yes, him. He is that fellow about whom so many of today's neo-traitors wax poetic.

Robert E. Lee was a son of one of the oldest blue-blooded families of Virginia, and his father "Light Horse Harry" Lee was a hero of the American Revolution.

When it was time, Lee decided that he had a military vocation and attended the United States Military Academy at West Point.  To all accounts Lee was an exemplary cadet and well-liked amongst his classmates.

After graduating from West Point and being commissioned in the United States Army, Lee distinguished himself as an military engineer and surveyor, and later served in combat during the Mexican War.

Fast forward to 1891, and Lee is a Colonel who, when the chips were down, forsook his oath to his country and resigned his commission in order to support, and actively participate in a rebellion against the duly constituted government of the United States of America.

So on April 20, 1861, Robert E. Lee became a traitor.  Two days later, his treachery deepened when he accepted command of all military & naval forces for Virginia.

Why am I taking the time to give you a brief rundown on Lee's history?  Simple, really, today I am going to do my own part in deconstructing the mythology of Mr. Lee.  You see, he is considered by many to have been the best bandit war chief that the Confederates had.  In many ways this is true, but one of the things that many people never talk about is that fact that Lee was that the rebels lost the war, for many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons was Lee's incompetence.

Lee's Army of Northern Virginia was probably the best insurgent band in the entire Confederate "Army", and was vital to the military viability of the so-called "Confederacy".  The problem is that R.E. Lee, despite his ability as a battlefield commander, made two strategic blunders that doomed the Confederate rebellion. The first mistake was to invade the north the first time, leading to the bloody disaster at the Battle of Antietam. The second, and ultimately fatal mistake, was Lee's attempt to deliver a "knockout punch" the the Union, by invading the north a second time, leading to the even greater disaster at Gettysburg.

The confederacy was never able to get back on it's feet after Lee's defeat, which was the start of their demise.

So... the next time you hear some neo-confederate whining about the war (seriously, they still do it) tell them that they lost because Lee was an incompetent, overconfident boob, who was lucky that he wasn't shot as a traitor, as he should have been.

Today in Confederate History (6)

Dude, really?  In April, 1865, things had gone as bad for the Confederacy as they could have.  Robert E. Lee had gotten badly mauled at Gettysburg, and was using his “Army of Northern Virginia” to defend Richmond.  Well, it was at this time that things went from bad to worse… I mean FOR REAL!

 

One of the keys to the defense of Richmond was an area called Five Forks, which is southwest of Petersburg.  This major road crossing was a vital escape route to the south in case Lee’s forces had to break out of the Richmond encirclement.

 

In command of the defenses of five forks was a dapper chap named George E. Pickett.  You’ve heard of him, haven’t you?  He is the person for whom the famed “Pickett’s Charge” at Gettysburg was named.  Well, Pickett, despite his fame, was a mediocre officer at best, who graduated dead last in the West Point Class of 1846.

 

Despite his poor showing at West Point, Pickett was sent to Mexico to serve the American Army and participated in the battle of Chapultepec, earning a bit of glory for himself.

 

Pickett was later posted to the Washington territory which is where he was when he shamefully forsook his oath to the United States, and resigned his commission to travel to Virginia to offer his services to the evil empire known as the Confederate States of America.

 

So on the first of April 1, 1865, Pickett’s troops were defending Five Forks and waiting to receive the Union attack, while Pickett himself was attending a fish-bake some two miles away from his unit of terrorist, freedom-hating, insurgents when the attack commenced.  The results were disastrous.  Pickett’s forces were routed… and I mean routed, by the valorous forces of dashing U.S. Cavalry commander Phillip H. Sheridan.  By the time Pickett finished his fish and got back to his unit, the battle was practically over.

 

The beating that Pickett took was so bad, and so important that on the following morning, Lee had to inform the Confederate bandit-in-chief, Jefferson Davis, that Richmond must be abandoned.

 

Pickett’s incompetence was so through that the defense of Richmond collapsed, leading Lee to retreat to Appomattox courthouse, where he surrendered to U.S. Grant, eight days later.

 

Look friends, let this be a reminder to you:  Never let someone who was a mediocre student be in charge of anything (are you listening Mr. Bush?, Mr. McCain?).

 

On a current note, it must be said that as I type this, I am only a half a mile away from a street named after that incompetent boob.

 

Today in Confederate History (5)

Welcome back, fellow history enthusiasts! Welcome back for another interesting item in the history of the war to crush the seditious, insurrectionist, traitorous, confederate scum. (is that explicit enough for you, Bob?)

Today, we are going to talk about what happened on Aril 15^th, 1862. You see on that date, and intrepid naval officer by the name of David Glasgow Farragut, led his West Gulf Blockading Squadron into the mouth of the Mississippi river. Farragut was about to engage in the naval portion of Winfield Scott's "Anaconda Plan" which was to split the Confederacy by seizing control of the Mississippi.

Farragut was successful in entering the river, and over the next few days, was able fight his way past two masonry forts Fort Jackson and Fort St. Phillip. The fight to pass the forts wasn't as easy as just sailing past, mind you; it took a few days of bombardment, and then a nighttime stealth maneuver. Once the traitors in the fort were whipped, Farragut's squadron proceeded to New Orleans.

When Farragut arrived at New Orleans he found parts of the city already burning, with some rebeltrash sympathizers burning American flags. The commodore was having none of this and sent a message into the city saying that the U.S. flag would be respected…. Or else! Soon after, General Benjamin Butler led a contingent of American infantry into the city, and raised the colors at city hall. New Orleans was once again an American city. Shortly after the fall of New Orleans, Natchez and Baton Rouge surrendered to Federal forces without a fight.

The rebels were in a bad place by this time… the one city that they had that could really put a strain on the Union's ability to make war was now back in the hands of the rightful owner, the United States of America. The rebs may not have known it at the time, but this was truly the beginning of the end for them… and rightly so. To drive home the point, the rebel bandits in Forts Jackson and St. Phillip were so demoralized they mutinied and abandoned the forts.

Today in Confederate History (4)

On April 6, 1863 bandit forces, commanded by the traitorous criminals PGT Beauregard and Albert Sidney Johnston attacked Union forces under General U.S. Grant at Shiloh, Tennessee.  The fight went on all day and when the day was over, the outcome of the issue seemed to be in doubt. 

 

Fortunately, during the night, the cause of the Union being right in the eyes of God, reinforcements arrived, and by the next morning the Union commanded the field.  General Grant and Maj. General Buell laid a major ass-whoopin' on the treacherous condfederates who were were driven from the field from which they fled, pell mell, into the wilderness.

 

 

This battle was the bloodiest that ever happened in the United States up until that time.

 

When the cost was counted, it was discovered that the bandidt forces had lost over 25% of it's number.  Among the rebel dead was the terrorist leader Albert Sidney Johnston... which is only what theose criminals deserved for what they were causing to happen all over America.

Today in Confederate History (3)

Hey kids... let's go back in time, shall we?  Let's go back to the days of yore... before Everybody like Ike; before Ricky loved Lucy, before the League of Nations... hell, even before that whole Teapot Dome scandal.  Let's go back to the days when cotton was King, back to the old south... BACK TO DIXIE (you know... "old times there are not forgotten", right?  That place.

Let's go back, chillen, back  to the year of eighteen and sixty-two.  Oh those were some days, y'all, when the Union Army whipped to stuffin' out o' the rebs what were holed up in Fort Pulaski, which was defending Savannah.

The Union forces, led by David Hunter, employed mortars, smooth-bore cannon and even rifled cannon against the hard, thick walls of the fort.  After a thirty hour bombardment, which led to a large breach in the wall, the bandit commander Charles Olmstead was forced to capitulate when the powder magazine, containing twenty tons of gunpowder was threatened.

Despite the damage done to the fort, Union forces made repairs in six weeks, and controlled the Fort, closing the port of Savannah for rebel commerce for the rest of the war.

Although repairs were made to the breach, the outward damage to Fort Pulaski's walls remain as they were from the battle. 

 

*Note:  This battle took place on April 10-11, 1862, for you sharpshooters out there.

Breaking News: Texas Secedes From The Union!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Dodger Simsby, here now... the news!

Today, In a surprise move, Texas Governor Rick Perry, late of the Republican party, has asked for and received from the Texas legislature, a Bill of Secession.  The Texas Governor, with the collusion of a slim majority of the legislature and Senate, who approved the Bill, have made a joint statement and declared the birth of the "Republic of Texas" (ROT).

White House officials appeared to be caught completely unawares that this was happening.  An unnamed White House staffer said that the only thing that she had heard about this was an article in the on-line news outlet, The Huffington Post.

When asked about President Obama's response to this action, Senior White House officials were tight-lipped, saying only that the President was "gravely concerned"

All across America, patriotic people have taken to the streets decrying the action taken by Texas.  Even in states that are reliably "red" in local, state, and national election cycles, people are wondering "what in the name of God is going on in down there?"as so eloquently put by Mrs. Cheryl Crane, of Topeka, Kansas.  In Louisiana's Terrebonne Parish, Antoine Thibideaux, a self-proclaimed "lifelong-bible-believing-NRA-member-antiabortion-Republican" thinks that Perry and Texas lawmakers have gone too far.  "I have always loved Texas and Texans... but this... this is just too doggone much!"

Political leaders across America have been lining up to be interviewed by as many media outlets as possible to let it be known that they want no part of Perry's or Texas' sedition.  The only political leader who has voiced even tepid support for Texas' secession has been Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, who immediately resigned from the Republican Party and declared herself a member of the Alaska Independence party.

Overnight, here in Washington, DC the lights have been on quite late in Congressional offices, the White House, and ominously, at the Pentagon.  It has been confirmed by anonymous sources, that The President has gathered the Congressional leadership, the Secretaries of Defense, Commerce, Homeland Security, and Treasury behind closed doors in the situation room.

The atmosphere is described as "tense".

More later, after a word from these ABC sponsors.

Traitor!

We'll be watching you... and others just like you.

Your Uncle,

Sam

Traitor!

We'll be watching you... and others just like you.

Your Uncle,

Sam

Born Again Confederates???

I saw this particular bumper sticker while I was driving home from our vacation last week.



This little gem appears at the League of the south



In the "good ol' days", she wouldn't even have been allowed to wear pants!



If this flag DOESN'T offend you, you either need a history lesson or you are a potential traitor.



I had a snarky comment all thought up about this... but I'll just say that this is just plain stupid.

Discuss.

This public service announcement was brought to you by: General William T. Sherman