Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

Church, Carcinogens, & Iron Eyes Cody

Dear Pastor J,

Yesterday's outdoor church service and church picnic were great!  We really enjoyed the beautiful setting of the state park and were glad about having the opportunity to spend a few hours in fellowship with so many people from the congregation and their guests.

The thing that I thought was really great was the fact that the kids of the congregation had a good chance to play together and solidify as a self-identified group.  How can you get any better than that?

As I am typing this at 0415 on Monday morning, with my stomach doing the acid reflux gurgle, it comes to me that there might have been a few things better than than watching the kids play... as far-fetched as this might seem.  One of those things happened during the service.  You might have noticed, during one of the hymns, that I was shaking and had my hand over my face.  Just so you know, it wasn't because I was overcome by the solemnity of the song... no, it was because a certain member of the church council, known to my other readers as Mrs Gunfighter, picked that moment in the service, which was all about renewal and respect for the environment which God has given us, to start cracking wise.

I suppose I should be truthful here and say that I started it when I told my dear wife that one of the hymns reminded me the old "Woodsy The Owl" commercials (you know... Give a hoot, don't pollute). While you started the sermon and admonished us to care for God's creation, Mrs Gunfighter (whom I suspect wasn't enjoying the sermon) leaned over and said to me "look!   Over there!  (pointing out to the beautiful Potomac river) It's that indian in the canoe... from the old commercial, and HE'S CRYING!").

You know... I try to maintain my composure at church, even though funny things happen from time to time... but, this was too much.  I hadn't thought of the old Iron Eyes Cody commercial in years, and at that moment all I could think of was that old public service announcement from the 1970's, and I lost it.  I had to cover my face, and it was really hard to hide the heaving of my shoulders.  Even now, with my gut feeling like I have been knifed, I can't help but laugh about it.

Anyway, back to the picnic... another funny moment came during the "cooking of the hamburgers."  Dude, next time we have a cookout, you need to step away from the lighter fluid... I could have sworn we were going to have a major fire, respect for God's creation or no.  Apparently, and I got this from one of the congregants at the END of the burger line, that whole rack of burgers tasted like they were cooked on a flame from a refinery fire!  From where Mrs GF and I were sitting, all we could see was you, P, and J, looking at the charcoal and squirting lighter fluid on it every 30 seconds or so.  I know it doesn't sound funny, but trust me on this... it was.

Anyway, Iron Eyes Cody, and Refinery Burgers notwithstanding, we had a fine old time yesterday.  Soccer Girl was nearly beside herself from playing at the playground, throwing the Frisbee, fishing, chatting with the young women, and getting to play with your daughter, to whom, if you hadn't already noticed, she is particularly attached.  By the time she went to bed last night she was absolutely bushed.

Good times.  Good times.

****NOTE**** Don't worry, neither the park nor the river look anything like the one in the commercial. The natural beauty of the place is stunning.****

Guest Blogger - Brillig: Cheez-whiz, Anyone?

Hey, all!  I'm Brillig and I write over at Twas Brillig.  Gunfighter and I have been bloggy-buddies since the beginning of my blogging career over a year and a half ago.  I'm honored to have the chance to corrupt his interesting blog with my silly stories.

Once upon a time I was in college and my bestest friend was my dear Matt.  Matt was openly gay, and therefore ostracized by much of our extremely conservative community.  But Matt adored me, as I adored him.   He thought I was so beautiful (why didn't any of the straight boys think so?) and he loved to dress me up and show me off.   We had been friends almost our whole lives, minus a couple of awkward years in high school.  But when college came, we were completely inseparable.

Matt also had some strange power over me.  He would come up with these absolutely ridiculous plans and somehow I would always go along with them.
One night, in the middle of the night, Matt came to my dorm to get me.  I was in my pajamas, and could I please change first?  No. There was no time for that.  Sigh.  So I threw on some flip-flops and followed him out the door.

He had a very important mission for us, but he would explain it when we got there.

And, where was there?

Our local grocery store.

And the mission?

To buy crackers and cheez-whiz, set up a table right there in the grocery store, and invite strangers to come and join us for cheese and crackers and get their pictures taken with us.

Look at me. Don't I look like a nice girl? NOT like the kind of girl that would be sitting in the grocery store in her pajamas, inviting strangers to come and eat cheez-whiz with me? Do you see the pain etched on my face? The pain screaming out to you, begging you to find a way to make the crazy gay man let me go back to my dorm and go to bed?



But really. The craziest part about this whole thing is that people actually sat down to eat cheez whiz and get their pictures taken with us!!!!

Here's to you, Matt, and all the crazy things you made me do.  I'm sure it made me... a better person... or something.  Yeah...

***...and here is to you, Brillig.  Thank you so much, my friend.  Look kids, if you have read Ms. Brillig's blog, you should go read her now. 

Really.

Brillig is an intelligent and VERY funny young woman.  She is passionate about her family, her church, and her friends.  I count her as a great bloggy-buddy, and I encourage you to give her a go (besides, I have been at this longer than her, and she gets 10 times the traffic that I do).

Good Times!

What do you get when you combine a Social Worker, a political consultant, a stay at home mom, an attorney, and two people-who-do-computer-stuff-that-my-old-ass-can't-even-begin-to-give-a-title-to?

What do you get when these people range from 25 to 45 in age?

What do you get when these people are black, white, Asian, & Latina (I hope I didn't leave out a demographic)?

What do you get when you inject alcohol (and a really stupid, inattentive waitress) into that mix?

Before I tell you what you get, I'll give you a hint.  The answer isn't: "a diversity training class"  No, the true answer is:  You get a whole lot of fun!

Last night, I got together with several of my blogging pals from around the DC metropolitan area, at a cool bar called The Continental, in Rosslyn, Virginia.  In attendance were the bloggers behind Unquiet Heart, Parentopia, A Daily Dose of Zen, Lawyer Mama, and Mammaloves.

Before you roll your eyes about a bunch of bloggers who sat around and talked about their blogs and blah, blah, boredom, blah... trust me it was nothing like that.  The subjects of discussion ranged from DUI traffic stops, to Internet porn, to breaking bones, kids, sex, music, and God only knows what else (those that were there can help me out), there were drinks, music, a new cast with no markers to sign it with, drinks, Crackberries, lots of pictures (which I imagine will start showing up online within the next 24-48 hours), and drinks. 

We all had a good time, and those who missed... if you feel bad about it... well, you should, so next time we do this, plan to be there.

GF

Post Happy Hour Haiku (11)

Drinks and merriment
Ugly hats and awful tights
Good times, dude.  Good times!

Happy Hour!!!

For some of you, it may be too soon to begin contemplating that blessed event, known throughout North America, as Happy Hour.  For some of you, perhaps, but not me!

That's right, Happy Hour!, that lovely little event that many of us parental fuddy duddies don't get to participate in often enough.  Happy Hour; a brief time to make merry with chums old and new!; Happy Hour... why, the very name makes you smile, doesn't it?  Good. It should!

So... since we are talking about Happy Hour, this might be a good time to remind those of you already in the know, that some of my readers and I will be gathering in Northern Virginia, just across the bridge from DC (and less than 50 yards from a Metro station!), this Friday evening @ 7 P.M. for drinks and socializing.  If you are reading this and are interested in attending, please email me for details.

Several folks who read this blog and others that I read or contribute to are planning to attend, so don't  be the kid who gets left out! 

Please note:  Don't feel constrained by your age, race, marital status, orientation, number of children or childlessness, we are an eclectic group of people.  Some are mommybloggers, some have no children, some are married, some are single, some are guys, some (most) are women.

As usual, spouses, S.O.'s, life-partners, wingmen/women, chaperones, etc...  are more than welcome .  We are a community of friends, let's have a little fun.

See you there!

GF

Bloggers Night Out.

To make along story short, we had a fine time last night.

We gathered at popular Capitol Hill watering hole, the Hawk 'n Dove, which was a favorite place of mine when I was a much younger man, living on The Hill back in the late 80's and early '90s.

It is always a great time when you get to meet such nice, like-minded, fellow bloggers.

Here are the great folks I got to meet last night... some for the very first time:

Mamalikey
Kim
Devra Renner
Unquiet Heart (and cool dude, Chris!)
Mamma Loves
Flower Child
Madame Meow

I would go on at great length, but I spent all day at a soccer tournament, and I am friggin' beat.

Must sleep.

Cheers,

GF

Happy Hour 3.0

Hey!  Do you know what today is?

Of course you do. 

Today is Friday!

Fridays are special to us, aren’t they?  Special because it signals the beginning of the weekend… that blessed time where we get to sleep late, relax, and do whatever we want to do, right?

Ha.

No, the weekends tend to be about getting things done around the house, working in the yard, doing laundry, and soccer, soccer, SOCCER! (how many of you just read that in your Jan Brady voice?).

Well, this post isn’t a complaint piece… not this time.  This post is a reminder that this Friday, some of us in the Washington, DC area are meeting for libations at Happy Hour!

That’s right.  Happy Hour(s).

If you are reading this and didn’t get the emails that have been going out, and you live in the DC area, or are willing to travel to DC to join us, please get in touch with me and I will tell you where we will be gathering.

So far, there are 9 or ten of your fellow bloggers that have indicated that they plan to attend.  So if you can, or if you are willing, come on down!

Good times... good times.

Happy Hour

Hello all! Your pal Gunfighter is here to talk about Happy Hour. Not just some random Happy Hour, mind you. No, no.... I'm talking about a specific Happy Hour. As a matter of fact it was a Happy Hour that lasted for several happy hours.

Last Friday evening, several readers of this particular blog, gathered in Rosslyn, Virginia at a cool bar called "The Continental" for drinks and general mirth-making. It was a lovely group of people, and much mirth was made. In addition to the general merriment that comes from meeting people whom you only knew previously from words or a few pictures on a screen, adult beverages of varying sorts were consumed, as were a few orders of fried pickles.

You heard me.

Fried pickles.

Oh, gag if you like, but they were gooood!

While we were consuming the aforementioned beverages, and fried pickles, the conversation(s) flowed across many subjects, while really good music flowed from the speakers, which were connected to a really good jukebox.

I won't "out" any of the attendees... they can identify themselves in the comments section, if they wish, but I'll tell all of you that read this, that we had a really good time, and yours truly was honored to be in their company.

I had fun, y'all! Let's start planning the next event!

(...and next time, I'll wear a kilt)

Oh... by the way... do any of you know what this is?

No? I'll tell you: It's a Dirty Martini. That's right. A Dirty Martini. Only one was consumed on Friday night, much to the disappointment of all of the rest of us.

GF

PS: I mentioned that it was several happy hours, didn't I? Well, let's just say that I didn't get home until after 1 a.m. ... I haven't been out that late in many years.

Thoughts On A Saturday Night

** Goodbye, and thank you, Senator Craig. I guess you couldn't bullshit your way out of this one, eh? You are a criminal. A stain on society. An additional stain on an already dirty GOP (and Senate). Oh, and good riddance, too.

** Michael Vick, I don't care how sorry you are. I don't care that you now acknowledge your "immaturity. Get thee hence, you miserable wretch, to a federal penitentiary and repay your debpt to society. You just can't go araound killing
"Man's Best Friend" and get away with it, once you had been discovered.

** To the lady pushing the wheel chair at Epcot a few days ago, that crashed the wheel chair into the back of soccergirls legs: If you weren't old and a woman, I would have punched you right in the f***ing face.

** To the parents who let your no-older-than-ten year old daughter wear a bare midriff T-shirt that read: "Hot Lover": I wish it wasn't unlawful to punch parents in the face for doing stupid shit like this. What were you thinking? Why? In what kind of world is this sort of thing, OK?

** To the ladies wearing four-inch heels at Disney World... what kind of chemicals have you been indulging in?

Friends,

I will be on my way home tomorrow morning. I suppose it'll take us about 12 hours to get there, unless we decide to stop for the night.

We have had a great vacation. Between Disney World, Sea World, and other fun places, we have had a good time together, which is what our vacations are all about.

Next week, I will send you my vacation report. ... and get back to blogging on a few more serious issues.

In the meantime, DC area readers, prepare for happy hour next friday... if you are still available.

GF

Not-So-Happy-Hour

Hey kids, it looks like this Friday is bad for a lot of you, so we are going to postpone our little Happy Hour gathering for a few Weeks while everyone gets vacations and so forth out of the way.

From what I am hearing from many of you, sometime soon after Labor Day might work best. I'll be in touch.

In the meantime, I'd like to take this opportunity to tell you that barring any unforeseen technical issues, this week's edition of "Shoot 'Em Up Friday" will be done in video!

Watch this space!

GF