Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

Golden Globes recap

Hi, Golden Globes, it’s me, Bill.  Can we talk?  Great.  Thanks for taking a moment to listen to me on a busy press day like this one.

 

So!  You had your big night on Sunday… I can imagine that you are feeling pretty good after the way it went… the glamorous stars in their finery, the eating, drinking, and feelings of camaraderie for the film & television industry’s big night.  I am happy for you, even though I was unable to celebrate with you initially.  You see, Big Love made its season premiere the same night, and I had to hurry up and order HBO on DirecTV in time to watch it.  Hopefully, you will be gratified to know that I did watch you on Monday while I did laundry and ironed my shirts.

 

Yes, indeed, GG, you were spectacular.  Not only did one of my favorite shows win for best comedy, but two of its stars were recognized individually in their own categories!  Even better was the fact that “The Social Network” did as well as it did.  I confess that as a Facebook user, I was kind of hoping that it would do well.  I further confess that I didn’t see the movie… or any other theater release in 2010 (but I did read about ALL of the nominees, so I hope you won’t be too angry).

 

Can I tell you, GG, that there were a few moments that made me truly proud during the telecast, such as when the second banana from Glee, you know, the guy who isn’t Ryan Murphy, said that public school teachers had the most important job in America (or words to that effect).  I couldn’t agree more.  I was also pleased about Annette Benning winning an award for The Kids Are Alright.  Not because I liked the film… as you know, I didn’t see it, remember?  No, what I like about that was the fact that she went unrecognized for her excellent work in Open Range, several years ago.  So, yeah… there were good moments for me.  There were more good moments, and I will tell you about them in a moment, but before I do, I have to throw a few bricks at you, because, as you know, I am all about being “Fair and Balanced”.  Its ok, you can laugh about that, I did, too.

 

Anyway, about those bricks; the first one I need to throw is more of a cultural brick than one aimed specifically at you, because I know that this one isn’t your fault, namely:  What is it with nerd glasses these days?  Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about.  In the past year, celebrities of all sorts have started wearing thick-rimmed glasses.  On it’s face this wouldn’t bother me, if it wasn’t for the fact that I see this as an attempt at some really f***ed up form of faux gravitas.  Seriously… we live in a time when Hollywood celebrities engage in any and all forms of self-mutilation from ridiculous breast augmentation, face lifts, lip injections, butt lifts, fake pectoral muscles, tummy tucks, dental veneers, botox injections, liposuction, nips and tucks, and everything else including near starvation in the pursuit of “beauty” (in truth, they do it so they can keep working).  I find these things horrifying… Wait, no that was dishonest… I am only saying that because I can’t afford any of that stuff, but I digress.  My point here is that given the expense that stars will go to look perfect, I refuse to believe that any of those people would shy away from spending three thousand dollars for a laser procedure to correct their eyesight, and avoid having to wear glasses or contacts.  No, I can’t help but feel that this is a style-only thing, where some of these people are wearing geeky glasses so they will look smart.  Certainly what they wear is their own business, but in my humble opinion, they are beyond ridiculous.

 

Since I am on the subject of fashion can I tell you what I thought of some of the fashions?  The following people looked like shit on your show:  Sandra Bullock.  Yes I know that some people consider her America’s sweetheart (not mine, but there you are), but she looked bloody awful in that dress… and her hair!  My God, I would have volunteered to shoot the stylist myself.  Natalie Portman:  Best Actress in a drama or not… she looked like crap as she squeaked, mouse-like, through her acceptance speech.  Helena Bonham Carter…. Do I really need to say anything about her?  That chick is just creepy.  Lastly, I have to wonder what sort of look Geoffrey Rush was trying to pull off, with that stupid looking hat that he wore during the whole show.

 

Whew!  You know, GG, I feel a lot better having spoken to you about these few items.  I enjoy watching you every year, but certainly never more than I have for the past two years, when you have been hosted by the brilliantly funny Ricky Gervais.  You know, since I mentioned Mr. Gervais, might I have a word with you about him?  What is up with your management having conniption fits about his jokes?  You must be kidding me…. Ricky Gervais is a professional comic.  He tells jokes, and rather funny ones at that, for a living.  Moreover, Gervais is an Englishman and as such has a slightly different manner of delivery to his humor.  While I am aware that some of my countrymen may not get his jokes, I certainly didn’t find him to be mean-spirited or having crossed any lines of taboo as he took comedic stabs at some Hollywood icons.  All of the current hub-bub puts me in mind of the big to-do at the Oscars several years ago when Chris Rock made a few jokes about Jude Law who had made five or six movies that were released in one year, by the time the show was over, half of Hollywood seemed to have a beef.  Especially the self-important jackass Sean Penn, who was portrayed this year at your show by Robert Downey Jr, whose work I normally enjoy.  Its Hollywood friends… here is a little free advice from your Uncle Bill (hey, stop picturing Brian Keith in your heads!)  if you don’t have a thick skin, you’d better hope that you have a knack for growing scabs quickly considering some of the garbage you put out.

 

Hey, thanks for the talk… I’ll see you (and hopefully more of Ricky Gervais, and less of the nerd glasses) next year.

 

Bill

 

**NOTE**  In case anyone reading this is sensitive about wearing glasses, give it a rest.  I am aware that wearing glasses doesn’t make you a nerd.  Further, I don’t think that wearing glasses makes a person particularly attractive (or not).  If that did offend you, please see my advice to the Hollywood glitterati.

"I Like Guns!"

I like guns, I like the way they look
I like the shiny steel and the polished wood
I don't care if they're big or small
If they're for sale; hell, I want 'em all

I like guns
I like guns
I like guns

I really like my .22 Mag
.45 lever with a Winchester tag
I like my double barrel, had it most my life,
the .357 was a present from my wife

I like guns, I like the way they look
I like the shiny steel and the polished wood
I don't care if they're big or small
If they're for sale; hell, I want 'em all

I like guns
I like guns
I like guns

 


So, I don't really get all the fuss
Why they're trying to take our guns off of us
'Cause I ain't gonna shoot at anyone
And no-one shoots at me, 'cause I got a gun!

 


I like guns, I like the way they look
I like the shiny steel and the polished wood
I don't care if they're big or small
If they're for sale; hell, I want 'em all

I like guns
I like guns
I like guns

 

God made the animals and God made the trees
God made you and, hell, he even made me
He gave me this voice, so I could be a singer
So you tell me why I've got a trigger finger

I like guns, I like the way they look
I like the shiny steel and the polished wood
I don't care if they're big or small
If they're for sale; hell, I want 'em all

I like guns
I like guns
I like guns

I like guns
I like guns
I like guns

 

**NOTE** This song, "I Like Guns" has become a viral hit because of Itunes and You Tube.  Australian singer Steve Lee has made quite a splash here in the U.S. as well.

Crime & Punishment

I got to sleep in this morning, because Mrs. GF is still in Boston and I have to take Soccer Girl to school.  So when the alarm clock went off this morning, I had the opportunity to spend a little time listening to NPR, which I enjoyed.  There was the usual news, traffic, and weather stories while I showered, took the electric razor to the graying stubble on my chin, and as I got dressed, there was a story on gang-related crime in Virginia.

I will cut to the chase and tell you that the story itself was interesting, but what I found objectionable was the fact that some people (certainly not all) were actually of the opinion that since prison sentences for criminal gang members doesn’t prevent young people from joining gangs, criminal prosecution and incarceration isn’t the way gang crime should be combated.

This is what I wanted to talk about today.

I suppose that it won’t shock you to hear that I think that the sentiment expressed above is just so much piled up steaming horse**** on a cold Virginia morning.  While I am as much about crime prevention as anyone, I believe that when prevention fails, as it sometimes does, that prosecution after the fact is the next logical step.

I have never been able to get next to the notion that “building fewer prisons” is a solution to anything.  It seems to me that the “build fewer prisons” crowd is more about coddling the criminal class.

Yes, that is what I said… the criminal class.  You did realize that there is such a thing, didn’t you?  Those people who are wired towards wrongdoing… those that no matter what things you legalize, they will continue to break whatever other laws that there are, right?  Those people.  I call them the criminal class, because I think that is what they are, other people use a scientific name for them, they call them sociopaths.  Well, not matter what you call them, they are real.

So, what do you do about the criminal class?   For me the answer is simple:  When a person is convicted of a crime, they should be incarcerated for a long period.  Symbolic jail sentences and so-called country club jails should be things of the past.  I say that if you commit crimes, you should do hard time.  Why hard time?  Because, generally speaking, rehabilitation doesn’t work.

Jail might not fix the brokenness of the sociopath, but neither will trying to reason with him (or her).  Getting them away from the rest of society is about the best you can do.

Way To Go, Navy!

OK, so the Executive officer of a nuclear aircraft carrier, who is also responsible for the morale of the 5,000 person crew, makes some really stupid, tasteless videos to lighten the mood or have some laughs.

Professional?  Not necessarily.

Tasteless?  Certainly.

Grounds for relieving this same officer from his duties three years later and after he assumed command of said ship?  Preposterous.

Look, let me tell you where I am coming from with this:  Have you any idea what the role of the carrier battle group really is?  It certainly isn't making port calls and manning the rails in your dress whites.  No, indeed.  The mission of our aircraft carriers is to project power and to fight and win wars by bringing the pain to the enemy.

An aircraft carrier, as we know them here in the United States, boasts enough combat power to destroy almost any nation on the planet.  Armed with the means to incinerate, yes incinerate, small, medium, and even large cities; to penetrate defended airspace and suppress said defenses; to conventionally bomb the living crap out of pretty much any target AND support Marines on the ground wherever the National Command Authority tells them to go; and to swat out of the air, pretty much any air force of any country with very few exceptions.  This is what our aircraft carriers are for.

In short, the carriers and their crews are weapons of high order destruction.  That is the job, folks... those sailors and officers are aboard that ship to KILL.  That's right... they are there to kill.  Please, before we got all weepy about this, get this right:  If the sailor is a cook, he or she is providing the nourishment that the pilots and Marines or soldiers need to go and kill.  If they work in the ship's laundry, they are there to provide services to facilitate the ease of life and the ability to provide maximum training time to those who do the killing.  You get my point, right?   The purpose of the armed forces is to kill the enemy.

As a matter of fact, the videos that were made, I am told were made while the ship was at sea during combat deployments.  Seriously?  The ship and crew were engaging real-live enemies and we are going to sack the commander for off-color humor?

That ain't right.

So, what is the point of this little rant?  Simply this:  The armed forces cannot spend too much of it's time afraid to step on anyone's toes.  Which is not to say that we shouldn't try to avoid giving offense, because I believe that we should... but where does it stop?  That is what I would like to know.  Apparently, some sailors aboard the ship in question were offended.  I get it... but should the Captain pay for it with his career?  I'm not defending the guy here... reprimand him for sure, but scuttling an officer in which so much money had been invested?  So much training?  I can't help but feel that the leadership of the Navy threw this officer to the wolves so that they could keep their nice quiet lives without any disturbance.  I notice that we haven't heard about the sacking of the officer who was the Captain of the ship at the time of the initial incidence.

I am brought to mind of a line from one of my favorite movies, Apocalypse Now, where mad Colonel Walter E. Kurtz says: "We train young men to drop fire on people, but their commanders won't allow them to write f*** on their airplanes, because it's obscene"

Tell me the sense in all of this.

...and I am telling you, "I'm Not Going" (yet)

Hi.

You're probably wondering why I am still here, since I told you last month that I was retiring my blog as of today.  Well, there is an answer to that question, and here it is:  Just yesterday, I received a solicitation from a publisher to review a book that I think is going to be super-cool, so when they send me the book, I will give it a read, and tell you what I think.

In the meantime, lemme tell you about my morning. 

Mrs. GF had to dash off to Boston today for a conference, so we all had to head to National Airport VERY early for her to make the 0630 flight..  It was a fast ride up I-95 because the traffic hadn't gotten terribly heavy.  So, we got to the airport, made the drop-off and Soccer Girl and I headed for home.  Instead of taking the usual route back through Crystal City, and around the Pentagon to 395 south, we took the George Washington Parkway towards DC!  Bypassing the northbound on-ramp, we took the south-bound ramp and entered 395 approximately two hundred yards from where we would have entered had we gone through Crystal City and it's myriad stop lights!

Sure, what I said just now won't mean anything to those of you who don't habla the DC traffic, but let me tell you that I probably saved 8 to 10 minutes by going that route.

"Big deal" you say?, well it is to me.  What? You didn't know that I was the King of "making good time"?  Well, there it is... this is my confession (with absolutely NO apologies to Usher).

SG and I got home in great time and were back at the house by 0600, whereupon I made breakfast for my sad child (she misses mommy when she travels) and she had plenty of down-time until we left for school at 8.

On the way to school, I had to make a stop at the post office in order to carry out the instructions that Mrs. GF and SG had given me so I could mail out the bills... by the time we arrived at the post office (0810), Mrs. GF was calling us to say that she had not only already gotten to Boston, but had made it to her hotel!  Well-done, madame!, well-done!

So, after I dropped SG at school, I dashed back up 95 to work, just in time to attend a meeting, clean my beloved M-4, and post this to my blog.  Now, you are going to have to pardon me as I take my leave in order to get my new uniform trousers hemmed and then vacuum the dog hair out of my car.

 

Peace Be With You!

GF

The Happy New Year Meme!

1.  What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

 

I did a few new things this year.  This year, I helped to prepare and serve meals at my church.  I cook all of the time at home, but this was different... and I really am enjoying it.  I also started teach the first-year confirmation candidates at my church.  I can tell you one thing that I am certain that anyone that spends a lot of time with children, especially young teenagers, can tell you:  I learn as much from them (and maybe more) as they learn from me.  It makes me feel good.  I aslo attended a training course at the Lutheran Theological Seminary at Gettysburg, which was really awesome, and I am not even coming close to exaggerating.  Lastly, in mid December, I made enough Lasagne to feed 30+ people at a local homeless shelter.

 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I still don't make resolutions.

 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My next door neighbor had a baby boy on Thanksgiving night, and my boss's Executive Assistant had a son in October.

 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My stepsister, Angela, lost her battle with breast cancer.  She fought pretty hard, but there was just too much.  We weren't close at all, but I am sorry for my dad and my other siblings and step siblings who knew her so well, and loved her so much.

 

5. What countries did you visit?

I didn't leave the United States at all in 2010, but I watched a lot of rugby played in Australia, South Africa, New Zealand, and the United Kingdom.... does that count?

 

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

Well, last year I said I wanted to have a new car and a book deal, an I got the car, and the book deal?  Well....   I suppose 50% isn't bad.  This year I would really like to continue to serve others, and walk my path (sort of like Caine from Kung Fu).

 

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Election day.  The Democrats got kicked in the balls, and truthfully it was deserved.  Not because they performed poorly (although many did), but because they did even make an attempt at countering the Republican echo chamber of alarmist fear-mongering.  That kind of crap might make bad politics, and it might make dupes out of a lot of people, but it is raw and emotional which are the things that make people get out and vote in mid-term elections. 

 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I can't point to anything specific, but I think that I was able to help others in various small ways throughout the year. 

 

9. What was your biggest failure?

Once again, I failed at shedding major poundage.

 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No major injuries, and no major illnesses.  Seasonal allergies and an ugly bout with the flu, but on the whole, I am still ticking like a dependable Timex. 

 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My new car!

 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Barack Obama:  Despite idiot Teabaggers, Birthers, a certain Republican Congressmen from South Carolina, and a certain idiot Senator from Connecticut, he has remained gracious, calm, and fairly unflappable.  One thing that he didn't do, despite my sincerest wishes, was to recognize the futility of continuing to fight in Afghanistan.

 

13. Whose behavior appalled you?

Senator Mitch McConnell (R) Kentucky.  What a despicable thing it is for an American Senator to state that the objective of his caucus is not to govern, but to unseat the President of The United States.  For shame, sir!

 

14. Where did most of your money go?

Food, bills, vacation, living.

 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

 Going to the seminary for a class on doing ministry with youth... which, as it turns out, is not the same thing as youth ministry.

 

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

 Cee Lo Green's "F*** You" , I will tell you, though, I prefer the Gwyneth Paltrow/Glee cast version, as I don't think gratuitous profanity improves a song.

 

 17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

 
a) happier or sadder?  Happier - I have found new direction

b) thinner or fatter?  Not thinner, but no fatter.

c) richer or poorer? Poorer.  I got a promotion last year, but I am now supporting my grandmother. 

 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Serious writing. 

 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Gone to the doctor.

 

20. How did you spend Christmas? 

In Orlando!  We have talked about going to Disneyworld at Christmas for years, and we figured that we needed to do it in 2010 whie Soccer Girl was still a child... not a sullen teenager.  We had a great time.

 

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

I fall in love practically every day.

 

22. What was your favorite TV program?

The new Hawaii 5-0  (yeah, yeah, I know)

 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No, I'm not much of a hater.

 

24. What was the best book you read?

"Mission of Honor" by David Weber

 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I have been listening to some really great college Acapella groups.

 

26. What did you want and get?

An answer about what I want to do with my post law enforcement life.

 

27. What did you want and not get?

A tablet computer

 

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't go to the movies this year.

 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

My 47th birthday was  just a month ago.  I went to work, and although it was a busy day, I was pleased to be greeted from friends around the world via telephone and Facebook, my blog and other places.  The well-wishes of others makes me happy.  I made my birthday dinner the night before, so I didn't have to cook.  We took Olivia to Girl Scouts and then had our customary Wal-Mart date, and then home for presents.  Like many men, I pretend that I don't like presents, it just isn't true.  I like presents.  As a matter of fact, I love getting presents.  If any of you ever come visit me, bring presents. 

 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

The same as last year:  The full (and immediate)  withdrawal of American forces from Iraq and Afghanistan, not much... I'm a pretty happy guy.  Oh, and a helicopter landing on my lawn, which unloads about 20 million dollars for delivery to yours truly.  That would have been pretty cool.

 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

My answer is unchanged from last year:  Fashion?  Are you kidding?... I don't do "fashion"

 

32. What kept you sane?

Again, my answer remains the same:  My incredible, monk-like discipline... or the fact that as a rule, I NEVER, EVER worry about anything.

 

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Well there is that red-haired young woman from "Mad Men"  She isn't hard to look at.  Christina Hendricks... that's her name.  Hmmm since my blog is going away in a few days, and I won't be returning to this meme again, I think that I should mention more than one celebrity.  Kim Kardashian.  Yup, you read that correctly.  I know that she and her sisters are media whores, but seriously... look at her.  Your friend GF doesn't find skinny and ropey attractive.  Oh, and Salma Hayek is still right up there in my book. Rawr!

 

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The passage of meaningful healthcare reform.  What we got wasn't perfect, but it is a good start.

 

35. Who did you miss?

The in-shape Gunfighter.  I missed him last year, and I REALLY miss him this year!

 

36. Who was the best new person you met?

 Our new Pastor.  She is energetic, smart, and filled with the spirit.  She has only been on the job since march and is really doing exceptionally well.

 

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

I already knew this, but it was really thrown in my face this year, right up to Christmas day:  When you give people the opportunity to disappoint you in a profound manner, they usually will.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

The song remains the same:  "A Mighty Fortress is our God....  A bulwark never failing"

It is my great hope and prayer that all of you enjoy the blessings of peace, happiness, love, friendship, togetherness,  and God's grace for the coming year.

Bill

Senator Mitch McConnell (R) Kentucky.  What a despicable thing it is for an American Senator to state that the objective of his caucus is not to govern, but to unseat the President of The United States.  For shame, sir!

 

14. Where did most of your money go?

My 47th birthday was  just a month ago.  I went to work, and although it was a busy day, I was pleased to be greeted from friends around the world via telephone and Facebook, my blog and other places.  The well-wishes of others makes me happy.  I made my birthday dinner the night before, so I didn't have to cook.  We took Olivia to Girl Scouts and then had our customary Wal-Mart date, and then home for presents.  Like many men, I pretend that I don't like presents, it just isn't true.  I like presents.  As a matter of fact, I love getting presents.  If any of you ever come visit me, bring presents. 

 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?