The Modern Conservative (1)

Modern Conservatism:  A political position that supports the notion that the United States government is the enemy of the people; is evil; and only exists to oppress the taxpayer.  The only legitimate expenditures of tax money is to waste it on military adventurism, hire more cops (and give them less authority), and to spy on other Americans. 

 

The modern conservative is a knee-jerk reactionary who spends a lot of time spouting about the US Constitution, but doesn't really know what is in it.

 

The modern conservative loves the armed forces... and loves sending them off to fight in unnecessary wars, and then complains about the cost of fighting said wars. 

 

The modern conservative believes in magic, and thinks that you can actually increase defense expenditures, fight two wars, and reduce taxes... without the creation of a financial crisis.

 

The modern conservative believes that the American government is the enemy of the people... except for the armed forces which constitutes the only part of our government who is on the side of the people.  All of which makes you wonder why any modern conservative wants to be part of the government.

 

The modern conservative thinks that if you can't afford to see a doctor, you probsably deserve to go untreated because you are clearly lazy.  The modern conservative thinks that if you don't have the money to pay a physician, you could give him (or her) a chicken.