What Do You See When The Demons Come? (reposted)

Hiya.  I wrote this on June 8th, 2009, and since it is a frequent search term that leads lots of people to my blog, I thought I would post it again for those who missed it.

In 1993, Clint Eastwood starred in a movie called "In The Line of Fire", which was about an aging, troubled Secret Service agent, who had failed at the critical moment and could have possibly saved John F. Kennedy from being assasinated. 

The movie goes on to set up another assasination attempt against the current (fictional) President, and this time, the Agent is pitted against a psychotic, CIA-trained killer-gone-rogue, played most awesomely by John Malkovich.

The agent and the assasin develop a strange relationship, in which they communicate with each other telephonically and personally, throughout the movie before the end of the film where....  oh, never mind.  This isn't really a movie review.  I'll just say that you should buy the DVD or get it from NetFlix if you get the chance.  It was nicely done, well-acted, and all of that.

Trust me... you'll like it.

The reason for this post has nothing to do with the movie except for the fact that at one point in the film, Malkovich's Character asks Eastwood:  "What do you see when you're alone the dark and the demons come?"

That is what I want to talk about.

Your demons... mine too.

Demons.  We all have them.  Some are more terrible that others, I suppose... but we all have them.  Now, I'm not talking about bat-winged, harpy-type demons.  I'm not talking about the legions of Hell or anything like that.  I'm talking about your darkest, most secret fears.

What are you afraid of?

For some people, demons might come in the form of emarassment, or failure, or public speaking or... CLOWNS!  and if you are afraid of clowns, dude, I am totally down.  I hate clowns.  I even hated them before I saw Steven King's "It".  While I have never liked clowns, they aren't the thing that terrifies me.  Clowns are scary, weird, and not at all funny or even amusing, but even Pennywise doesn't creep me out to the point of terror.  No, my demons don't come in the form of clowns... indeed, my demons don't even have corporeal form, and yet, I still have them.

Some people see their demons from afar, acknowledging their existence, but never having to do much about them other than work hard to avoid them.  Some people live with their demons right in their faces.  Some people have to deal with their demons in a very personal, daily, in-your-face kind of way.  How awful. 

Some people only see their demons at night, in the short time between going to bed and going to sleep.  That's my time.  That is when they come for me.  That is the time when I do battle for my psyche and my soul.  The thing about my demons is that I always win.  I always will.  On a nightly basis, my demons are slain, usually with my rather large hands around their throats.  Demons are evil, but they always fail to reckon that attacking a warrior is a bad idea... I quake in fear of neither man, animal, nor even my own personal demons.

So, before you ask what my demons are, I will tell you that I choose not to speak their names.  I don't speak their names lest I give them power.  I don't speak their names lest I give someone a handle on my personality... a handle to be manipulated.

Yes, I have demons.  You probably do, too.  How do you live with yours?