Today in Confederate History (6)

Dude, really?  In April, 1865, things had gone as bad for the Confederacy as they could have.  Robert E. Lee had gotten badly mauled at Gettysburg, and was using his “Army of Northern Virginia” to defend Richmond.  Well, it was at this time that things went from bad to worse… I mean FOR REAL!

 

One of the keys to the defense of Richmond was an area called Five Forks, which is southwest of Petersburg.  This major road crossing was a vital escape route to the south in case Lee’s forces had to break out of the Richmond encirclement.

 

In command of the defenses of five forks was a dapper chap named George E. Pickett.  You’ve heard of him, haven’t you?  He is the person for whom the famed “Pickett’s Charge” at Gettysburg was named.  Well, Pickett, despite his fame, was a mediocre officer at best, who graduated dead last in the West Point Class of 1846.

 

Despite his poor showing at West Point, Pickett was sent to Mexico to serve the American Army and participated in the battle of Chapultepec, earning a bit of glory for himself.

 

Pickett was later posted to the Washington territory which is where he was when he shamefully forsook his oath to the United States, and resigned his commission to travel to Virginia to offer his services to the evil empire known as the Confederate States of America.

 

So on the first of April 1, 1865, Pickett’s troops were defending Five Forks and waiting to receive the Union attack, while Pickett himself was attending a fish-bake some two miles away from his unit of terrorist, freedom-hating, insurgents when the attack commenced.  The results were disastrous.  Pickett’s forces were routed… and I mean routed, by the valorous forces of dashing U.S. Cavalry commander Phillip H. Sheridan.  By the time Pickett finished his fish and got back to his unit, the battle was practically over.

 

The beating that Pickett took was so bad, and so important that on the following morning, Lee had to inform the Confederate bandit-in-chief, Jefferson Davis, that Richmond must be abandoned.

 

Pickett’s incompetence was so through that the defense of Richmond collapsed, leading Lee to retreat to Appomattox courthouse, where he surrendered to U.S. Grant, eight days later.

 

Look friends, let this be a reminder to you:  Never let someone who was a mediocre student be in charge of anything (are you listening Mr. Bush?, Mr. McCain?).

 

On a current note, it must be said that as I type this, I am only a half a mile away from a street named after that incompetent boob.