Mel Brooks & The Loss of Virginity

Today's guest blogger is... well, she'll tell you who she is at the start of her post.  What I can tell you, that you may not know, is that this young woman is usually one of the first people to read my blog every day.  She comments when she has something to say, and is silent when she doesn't.

Today she is going to tell us something special about her life.

Hello there people! I'm Lilacspecs and I write over at Lilac Colored Glasses, my single daycare worker-gone engaged expatriate in Belgium blog. Yes, that's a mouthful but it's nothing compared to speaking Dutch.

So, yeah, that's me in a very small nutshell. Anyway, I'm posting over here during The Gunfighter's vacation and I was basically given free reign to talk about whatever I wanted, so long as it doesn't offend you or tout Republicans. So I thought about that for a bit and decided to tell y'all a story that I've been wanting to write, but I sort of can't on my blog because my parents and my future mother and sister-in-law  read my blog. And what is it that I've chosen to tell you about today?

The day I lost my virginity!

Woohoo!

The year was 1999 and it was summertime. June, to be exact. I had my first "serious" boyfriend (we'll call him Bub) and we'd been talking about having sex and had made some attempts (read confused and frustrated groping in the backseat of my car because it was summer and our parents were always home) but we hadn't been even close to successful. See, my boyfriend had two problems. The first was a hernia from wrestling that we didn't know about at the time but it was preventing him from staying in a necessary condition for sex for longer than a minute or two. And also, I was older and he definitely was psyching himself out.

So anyway, graduation had come and gone, as had my 18th birthday and my mother started teaching summer session at the university where she worked. Bub's mom had dropped him off at my house and we were up in my room watching Dracula, Dead and Loving It. when things started getting more...intimate. And no, to this day I have no clue what it was about a Mel Brooks comedy that sparked the amorousness, but things progressed and to our mutual surprise, Bub finally maintained himself long enough to put on a condom.

Now, a later discussion indicated that Bub saw his moment of entry as something grand and epic; something straight out of a coming of age movie but mixed with the nobility of a Civil War flick. A cross between Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Glory...only starring Bub instead of Matthew Broderick.

I experienced things more as "oh...okay, I think it's in." Then I held on for dear life because I was on top and Bub apparently thought that "bucking bronco" was the tempo I would prefer, and then finally, when it was over I remember thinking, "So...we're done now?"

I had heard from all of my friends that it would hurt and I'd bleed and it would be this scary experience, but it wasn't. I mean, it wasn't, like, fireworks and opera singers or anything, but it was comfortable and sweet and it cemented our relationship much faster and stronger than normal, in my opinion.

Anyway, we took a shower and Bub's mom picked him up a little while later and I went and finished watching the movie. Later that day, after my mom came home from work, I went to her office to ask a question or something and as I turned to leave she said,

 

"Bub was over here today, right?"

 

"Yeah, why?"

 

"You did it, didn't you?"

 

"Um...how do you know?"

 

"You're walking like you just went horseback riding. And you know what today is, don't you?"

 

"No, what do you mean?"

 

"It's June 9th. You lost your virginity on 69!"

 

So...there you have it. I lost my virginity during a Mel Brooks movie to a 15 year old guy right after I turned 18. And I'll always remember the date because my mother  made a reference to 69ing and my new sex life all in one sentence.

Hopefully this doesn't offend any of you and I'm pretty sure I'm not touting Republicanism as I had premarital sex that was possibly illegal in the state of Pennsylvania while wearing a condom that I learned how to use in my sex education classes taught in public school. Oh yeah, and I'm an expat, so most Republicans probably see me as un-American anyway. If I've met the criteria appropriately I guess you'll be reading this at some point in he near future and if so, please feel free to stop by Lilac Colored Glasses to say hello. I always like to see new visitors.

Thanks, Lilac!  I won't even start to talk about my loss of virginity... but, your story was every bit as funny as mine!