...and just like that, everything changes.

"Daddy?  I'm going to go to the park with Duncan and Hamish, is that ok?"  And just like that, everything changes.

My youngest asked me this question late this afternoon, as her two classmates/neighbors asked if she could go to the park (they meant without parental supervision), and I confess that my answer was very nearly an automatic "no".  The thing is that she is a level-headed 10 year old, who was in the company of two boys from a neighboring family who are friends of ours.  There is strength in numbers.

As they walked down the walkway, I watched their retreating backs, and as they reached the sidewalk, I called to them and said: "you three stick together and behave yourselves, ok?"  They all agreed and off they went. 

I stared into one of the most beautiful late afternoons we have seen so far this spring, and thought about the stages of letting go.  I know nothing of psychology, but I have to say that I truly felt like that is what I had just done.  I was trusting her and her friends to be out of my sight.  I was trusting her to do the right things.  I was trusting her to go just a little way (the park is less than 50 yards from the house, but was out my line of sight) into the world without me.  I was trusting her.

Well, despite that fatherly trust, I decided that it would be a great idea to break out my hose and rinse the road dust off the car, which I did, keeping my ears open for any out of place sounds that might arise.  I listened intently, and was rewarded with only the sound of laughter.

They were back twenty minutes later, all three of them, smiling and chattering up a storm.  I guess they had fun... and I got the chance take a very, very brief glimpse into the future. 

Such a small thing, really, but it was scary.  It was scary, not because I had any doubts  about Soccer Girl's behavior or safety, nor did I worry over who she was with... as I said, they are good boys.  No, what scared me is the realization that , this independence will only grow.

 To tell the truth, I think that she is going to be just fine... I guess what I really worry about is her not being here... with me (where she belongs).

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