Breaking News II: Texas Secedes From The Union!

"Good evening. I'm Dodger Dimsby, with my colleague Gill Meutel, here now, the news"

After a long, tense night, President Obama met with his full national security team for a lengthy meeting. He then met with the Chief Justice of The Supreme Court and the Attorney General. Finally, late this afternoon, The President spoke to the nation from the White House rose garden.

During his prepared remarks, the President said that he looked with grave concern upon the unfolding situation in Texas, but assured the American people that he believed that Governor Perry was a reasonable man who only wants what is best for the people of his state, and that things said in periods of anger are "best left to cool reason". The President went on to say that he believed that the personal telephone call that he planned between himself and Governor Perry would be productive, and assured Americans that Texas would cheerfully remain in the Union.

In the interim, Texas is descending into what can only be unintended chaos.

In the city of Austin (and it's suburbs), long held in disdain by many Texans because of it's "liberal" reputation, there have been reports of violence against people suspected of being "liberal". Windows have been smashed in the homes of professors, teachers, union representatives, and even clergy, by hooligans of varying types. So far there have been few physical assaults, all but one resulting in minor injuries.

Sadly, one death has resulted from all of this. A University of Texas Women's Studies professor was attacked by a gang of three white men who cornered her and attempted to sexually assault her as she attempted to enter her home. The professor, who was armed with a Glock 23, .40 caliber pistol, shot and killed Colin Campbell, 26. Also wounded were Dave Bowman, 24, and Zaius Taylor, 29. Both are expected to survive. The Austin police department did not arrest or charge the professor, since she was lawfully carrying a firearm and using it in legitimate self-defense.

All across America, in suburban cul de sacs, urban community centers, and over rural picket fences, people are wondering what will happen next. Mr. Ted Bronson of Missouri said: "One thing is certain: that Obama fella sure has one helluva mess on his hands... as if two wars and a really bad economy weren't enough. I hope he keeps his head" In Dallas, former President George W. Bush advised calm, and although he never mentioned President Obama by name, urged all Americans to "keep their eyes on their national leaders to guide the nation in the right direction".

In the electronic world, bloggers and users of the multitudinous online social media outlets have been engaging in bitter, vitriolic wars of words on this subject that have ranged from "'bout time somebody had the cojones to tell Washington where to get off" to "Texas shouldn't let the doorknob hit them in the backside on the way out of the Union"

I should add, ladies and gentlemen, that as we came to air this evening, we still haven't received any word on the President's conversation with Governor Perry.

No one knows how this will end.