Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

A little Shakespeare in the morning

As I ironed my trousers this morning, before I headed off to work, I turned on the TV and watched the last twenty minutes of Kenneth Brannagh's "Hamlet". Have any of you seen it? If you haven't, and you enjoy the works of either Brannagh or Shakespeare, I recommend that you give it a watch.

If you have any love for the artful use of the English language, you won't get much better than the flowery sort used in Hamlet, and aren't likely to see it done better than by Kenneth Brannagh, Brian Blessed, Emma Thompson (rrawr) Derek Jacobi, Richard Briers, or, of course, the great Ian McKellen (who wasn't in this movie, but no matter).

Right then, off to today's training exercise: Engaging the active shooter.

DC Traffic (and digital issues)

*I sent this post via my Peek device while I was stuck in traffic yesterday morning @ around 9 A.M. It never appeared, and I suspect it is because of the ahem... problems that often occur with digital devices when in fairly close proximity to the Pentagon.*

I'm in traffic.

Stuck on the 14th street bridge.

Fortunately, I have some rockin' gospel on my ipod and a full charge on my *Peek *device.

On My Mind

Lots of things on my mind today... unfiltered thoughts.  Half-finished thoughts.  Some disjointed, some just part of the wheat and chaff that blows through empty hallways in my brain.

 

That was a really crappy lead-in, but what do you want from me?  I'm sleep-deprived.

 

Anyway... Soccer girl had her last ice skating lesson last night.  She decided that she doesn't want to do the next session, which is fine by me, as the following sessions are more about learning how to figure skate than they are about learning HOW to skate.  She knows how to skate, now, and that's enough.  If she wants to continue at a later date, that will be fine by me as well.  Generally speaking, her skating lessons served her well, even though the right and left leg cross-over maneuver is something that she can do, but hasn't mastered well-enough to satisfy coach (who was a two-time Olympian).

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Did I tell you all that SG's soccer team won in a 7 to 1 blowout last Saturday?  My girl was awesome!

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So since SG won't be skating every Monday, I won't be doing any more Monday night blogging from the ice rink.  It also means no more attention from divorced mom, who has clearly moved on to beard guy.  I would be jealous... but I'm not.  It also means no more attention from the moms who think I'm cool because I spent last night's session taking a needle and thread to SG's favorite stuffed "friend" (they have been together since SG was a week old.  You should have seen them gushing...)

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Another thing on my mind is the recent issue of Esquiremagazine.  I don't usually read Esquire, as I'm not really the demographic that is served by that publication, but I picked it up last night because the cover story is called "How To Be A Man".  I usually find that sort of article to be interesting, not because I need an instructional manual (I seriously don't), but because I always like to compare my list of what makes a male human a "man", to those of others.

 

So this article has several different lists... lists of books that will make you a better man (all of which I think are crap); how to look better (to women), which has tips on moisturizing and exfoliating among other things; a list of the things a man "is"; and finally, a List of Men (caps intentional) that are supposed to be examples of Real Men. 

 

To tell you the truth, I was suspicious of some of the men on the list, because they probably wouldn't make it past my criteria... but anyway, this is their list not mine.  Here are a few of the more prominent names on Esquire's list:  George HW Bush, Bill Clinton, Richard Lugar (who I would just love to punch in the face, because of that howdy doodie smile), Shaquille O'Neal, and Billy Ray Cyrus (whom they give props for being the untalented Miley's father)

 

The article on what a man does was good.  It was comprehensive, it listed many of the things on my own list, although the glaring omission is, in my opinion, that a man is responsible for not only the education of his children, but for their religious training as well.   Then there was this gem:  "maybe he never has, and maybe he never will, but a man figures that he can knock someone, somewhere, on his a$$"

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I'm am tired of people roaring in fury every time a police officer uses a Taser on someone, and the subject dies.  Frankly, the Taser is one hell of a resource... Tasers are safe, generally speaking, and get the desired result more than 90 percent of the time.  Sure, law enforcement could do without the Taser... but I am sure that there are a lot of people that would be unhappy about the increased number of injuries incurred by suspects and officers.  Not to mention the increased number of shootings.

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Arlen Specter is switching parties?  Not that I mind the increase in the Senate Majority, but Arlen Specter isn't my favorite member of the Senate.

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I'm still waiting to hear about my promotion.  I love my job, but working for the G can, at times, be a real pain... it's only been two whole months since the original announcement closed.

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The pollen in the DC area is driving poor soccer girl to distraction.

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Teeny-tiny minivan moms, many of whom can't see over the steering wheels of said minivans (or Chevy Suburbans... what's that all about?) should probably take a moment to stop flapping their freakin' gums and put down the cel phones while they are trying to park.

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I had a remedial shooter this morning, and was able to help him qualify with his pistol... but he is a probationary, and I suspect he'll get fired before this time next year.  Really, this idiot is as smart can of soup.

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This is mostly what my next tattoo will look like.

 

 

 

 

...but without the text.  Tell me that's not BADass!

Time to go make dinner now... so, I hope you all have a good evening... and um... stuff like that.

Breaking News III: Texas Secedes From The Union

We are pre-empting this evening's Dancing with The Stars to bring you this Breaking News, Special Report! 

 

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Dodger Dimsby.  It is my sad duty to report this evening, that today's telephone conference between President Obama and Governor Rick Perry, of Texas did not have the happy conclusion that the President predicted yesterday.  ABC news has learned that despite reassurances about the federal government respecting the Constitutional relationship between itself and the several states, Governor Perry has declared that he (Texas) "won't take one step back" in the move to secession.

 

This stunning development was immediately followed by another late night cabinet/National Security team meeting at the White House, and this morning, the White House issued this declaration:"

 

"The leadership of the state of Texas has decided, on behalf of all Texans, to remove that state from the union of states that makes our great nation.  I am aware that there is no legal reason that a state may not be allowed to leave the union and therefore, it is with a heavy heart that I say to you today, that I wish good will and Godspeed to the new Republic of Texas, and all of her people!

 

As Texas has moved to declare her sovereignty, I have directed the United States Internal Revenue Service to immediately stop taxing Texans through payroll deductions, or any other means.  I have likewise ordered the IRS to immediately withhold any payments to any citizen of the Republic of Texas until such time as a mechanism is developed to determine how or if payments can be made by the IRS to the citizens of a foreign nation.

 

Additionally, I have ordered that the following activities take place:  All US military installations in Texas will be closed.  The U.S. Coast Guard is ordered to no longer patrol coastal Texas waters.  With the closure of these installations, all military property and equipment will be removed from the Republic of Texas.  Further, all materiel in use by the Texas National Guard now, the Republic of Texas armed forces will be confiscated if it was purchased with federal monies.  All members of the Republic of Texas armed forces (ROTAF), whether enlisted or commissioned, are discharged from the armed forces of the United States with immediate effect.

  

All enlisted members of the United States armed forces who are Texans are now foreign nationals, and as such they are also discharged from the U.S. armed forces, unless they desire to renounce their citizenship in Texas, and apply for expedited citizenship in the United States.   The commissions of all U.S. armed  forces officers from Texas are immediately revoked.  Applications to remain in the U.S. armed forces will not be considered.

 

Any attempt by the ROTAF to keep, hide, or not relinquish U.S. property will be considered a hostile act and responded to accordingly.

In other areas of concern, the following actions have been initiated:  The U.S. borders of Texas will be closed as soon as possible, and the U.S. Border Patrol, which will be withdrawn from Texas, reinforced by the United States Army, will begin to patrol it as soon as resources can be shifted.  The borders will reopen as soon as agreements can be made with Texas about border crossing and documentation of citizenship. 

 

The FBI, ICE, ATF, and all other federal law enforcement agencies that operate in Texas are ordered to immediately cease operations and prepare to move back to U.S. sovereign territory. 

 

The United States looks forward to vigorous trade with the Republic of Texas, with speedy trade agreements that will benefit both great nations. 

 

ON the political front, the Congressional delegation of Texas is immediately suspended from voting in either the House of Representatives or the Senate.  There offices are closed and their staff's barred from the buildings in which they worked.  The United States looks forward to receiving an Ambassador from Texas, so that our countries may immediately begin friendly diplomatic relations... or at least as friendly as Texas would like them to be, which cannot be gagued at this point.

 

As Texas is now an independent Republic, all Texans residing in the United States will need to return to Texas.  If any Texan wished to live in the United States, he or she may apply for a visa, and eventually a permanent residence card.  Bowing to popular Texas culture, it must be noted that the offspring of Texans who have resided in the united states are not considered American citizens by dint of the geographical accident of birth that placed their parent inside of the United States at the time of birth.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, this will be a difficult time for our nation, but, as Americans, we are used to dealing with difficulties.  We will see ourselves through this, with the best wishes for Texas and her people, and speaking for my own family, prayers for the Republic of Texas."

 

In other developments, the media has been denied access to the Texas Governor, who recently issued a written statement that his title, as the leader of a sovereign nation is now "President Perry"

We will now rejoin "Dancing with The Stars", already in progress.

Breaking News II: Texas Secedes From The Union!

"Good evening. I'm Dodger Dimsby, with my colleague Gill Meutel, here now, the news"

After a long, tense night, President Obama met with his full national security team for a lengthy meeting. He then met with the Chief Justice of The Supreme Court and the Attorney General. Finally, late this afternoon, The President spoke to the nation from the White House rose garden.

During his prepared remarks, the President said that he looked with grave concern upon the unfolding situation in Texas, but assured the American people that he believed that Governor Perry was a reasonable man who only wants what is best for the people of his state, and that things said in periods of anger are "best left to cool reason". The President went on to say that he believed that the personal telephone call that he planned between himself and Governor Perry would be productive, and assured Americans that Texas would cheerfully remain in the Union.

In the interim, Texas is descending into what can only be unintended chaos.

In the city of Austin (and it's suburbs), long held in disdain by many Texans because of it's "liberal" reputation, there have been reports of violence against people suspected of being "liberal". Windows have been smashed in the homes of professors, teachers, union representatives, and even clergy, by hooligans of varying types. So far there have been few physical assaults, all but one resulting in minor injuries.

Sadly, one death has resulted from all of this. A University of Texas Women's Studies professor was attacked by a gang of three white men who cornered her and attempted to sexually assault her as she attempted to enter her home. The professor, who was armed with a Glock 23, .40 caliber pistol, shot and killed Colin Campbell, 26. Also wounded were Dave Bowman, 24, and Zaius Taylor, 29. Both are expected to survive. The Austin police department did not arrest or charge the professor, since she was lawfully carrying a firearm and using it in legitimate self-defense.

All across America, in suburban cul de sacs, urban community centers, and over rural picket fences, people are wondering what will happen next. Mr. Ted Bronson of Missouri said: "One thing is certain: that Obama fella sure has one helluva mess on his hands... as if two wars and a really bad economy weren't enough. I hope he keeps his head" In Dallas, former President George W. Bush advised calm, and although he never mentioned President Obama by name, urged all Americans to "keep their eyes on their national leaders to guide the nation in the right direction".

In the electronic world, bloggers and users of the multitudinous online social media outlets have been engaging in bitter, vitriolic wars of words on this subject that have ranged from "'bout time somebody had the cojones to tell Washington where to get off" to "Texas shouldn't let the doorknob hit them in the backside on the way out of the Union"

I should add, ladies and gentlemen, that as we came to air this evening, we still haven't received any word on the President's conversation with Governor Perry.

No one knows how this will end.

Breaking News: Texas Secedes From The Union!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Dodger Simsby, here now... the news!

Today, In a surprise move, Texas Governor Rick Perry, late of the Republican party, has asked for and received from the Texas legislature, a Bill of Secession.  The Texas Governor, with the collusion of a slim majority of the legislature and Senate, who approved the Bill, have made a joint statement and declared the birth of the "Republic of Texas" (ROT).

White House officials appeared to be caught completely unawares that this was happening.  An unnamed White House staffer said that the only thing that she had heard about this was an article in the on-line news outlet, The Huffington Post.

When asked about President Obama's response to this action, Senior White House officials were tight-lipped, saying only that the President was "gravely concerned"

All across America, patriotic people have taken to the streets decrying the action taken by Texas.  Even in states that are reliably "red" in local, state, and national election cycles, people are wondering "what in the name of God is going on in down there?"as so eloquently put by Mrs. Cheryl Crane, of Topeka, Kansas.  In Louisiana's Terrebonne Parish, Antoine Thibideaux, a self-proclaimed "lifelong-bible-believing-NRA-member-antiabortion-Republican" thinks that Perry and Texas lawmakers have gone too far.  "I have always loved Texas and Texans... but this... this is just too doggone much!"

Political leaders across America have been lining up to be interviewed by as many media outlets as possible to let it be known that they want no part of Perry's or Texas' sedition.  The only political leader who has voiced even tepid support for Texas' secession has been Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, who immediately resigned from the Republican Party and declared herself a member of the Alaska Independence party.

Overnight, here in Washington, DC the lights have been on quite late in Congressional offices, the White House, and ominously, at the Pentagon.  It has been confirmed by anonymous sources, that The President has gathered the Congressional leadership, the Secretaries of Defense, Commerce, Homeland Security, and Treasury behind closed doors in the situation room.

The atmosphere is described as "tense".

More later, after a word from these ABC sponsors.

Idol Chatter

An interesting evening on American Idol last night... the theme was songs from movies, and interestingly enough, the celebrity mentor was Quentin Tarantino.

My Thoughts:

Allison Iraheta (known hereafter as "Ketchup-Head"), sang "I don't want to miss a thing".  Huge mistake.  First, it was a mistake because "Armageddon" is one of my favorite "Man Movies", second, it was a mistake because Allison doesn't come close to having Steven Tyler's range, and the way she tried to cover for that didn't make the song as powerful as it ought to have been.  Chemically enhanced Paula Abdul liked the song, so... I guess that has to count for something... for someone... but not me.

Anoop Desai sang "Everything I do" from some movie or another.  Was it "Robin Hood"?  Whatever.  The delivery was alright, the vocals were alright, but that's it.  It was just alright (or ahight, as my Dawg Randy would say).

Adam sang the rock anthem "Born To Be Wild".  I forgot what movie the song was from, but really, who cares?  Adam busted it out with his usual stage presence and great singing.   It was a bit wild, but considering the title of the song, it would have to be, right?

Matt Giraud sang "Have You Ever Loved a Woman" I don't like this guy.  I can't pretend to be even about this.  I wish he would be himself instead of a Justin Timberlake wannabe.  I thought that song was trite.

Danny Gokey, favorite of my mother-in-law, has a new, more scraggly, beard.  I guess he is trying to look a bit more manly.  Anyway, he sang "Endless Love"  Zzzzz.  A good performance (with one or two bad notes), but you know... it was sort of overdone.  To be honest, I probably would have liked the performance better if it was a different performer. 

Kris whatsisname (and does anyone who isn't blood kin really care what his name is?) performed "Falling Slowly"  Dude.  You realize that you haven't got a hope in hell in winning this competition, right?  The song was a crashing bore!  Why is this guy still around?  Oh, it's because he is cute.... that's right.  Never count out the effects of demographics, folks.

Lil Rounds sang "The Rose", which is a song I love... but I didn't love her for singing it.  Lord have mercy... what a train wreck!  Just bloody awful.  If there is any justice, either Lil or Ketchup-Head will be sent away tonight... with the emphasis on Lil.

Wish me luck kids, I have a job interview at 8 this morning.

Gunfighter Sez...

Item: If the killer is still killing, you have to kill the killer.

Item: Speed, surprise, and violence of action are the keys to success against a determined, armed opponent.

Item: Luther's Small Catechism is a good thing.

Item: A gunfight is no time to decide that you can't kill... Innocent people may be relying on you to kill someone in order to save *their* lives.

Item: Telling your kids that their faith matters doesn't do much good if you never give them your example.

Item: I may have completed my design for my next tattoo.

Item: Blogging via my *Peek* while soccer girl skates is big fun!

Item: I am going to start taking Mandarin next semester.

No prisoners!

Happy Easter!

Good news, friends!

Christ is risen!

Let's sing, shall we?!

"Christ the Lord is risen today Alleluia
Sons of men and angels say Alleluia
Raise your joys and triumphs high Alleluia
Sing ye heavens and earth reply Alleluia"

...and the whole church said:  Amen!

All The Lonely People...

...Where do they all come from?

In 1966, The Beatles recorded the famous song that asked this question.  The song, as you all know, was about a fictitious person named Eleanor Rigby.  The poor soul... but it could be about any number of people... some of whom you might even know.

Last night, my family attended the Good Friday Tenebrae service at our church, and after the service, as the congregation silently exited the darkened church, I noticed that one of the parishioners, who is also in the small group that I lead, was still seated, and staring forward.  When I put my hand on her shoulder and smiled at her in a silent greeting, she smiled at me with the biggest smile I had ever seen from her, and she reached up and squeezed my hand as hard as I can ever remember anyone squeezing it.  I kept the smile on my face while we had our brief moment, even though I wanted to scream blue murder, because I have some sort of really ugly tendonitis going on.

As she let go of my hand, looking relieved for some reason, I started thinking.  I took stock of what I know of her, and it came to me (and of course, I could be totally wrong here) the she probably hasn't felt the welcome touch of a human being since she visited her children and grand children a month or so ago.  This lady lives alone, and like so many of us in this area, commutes to and from Washington, DC every day to  work long hours on behalf of of the American people.  She attends services alone and socializes little.  I had/have the feeling that she is lonely.

The thing is, that there are lots of lonely people, some of them are folks you probably wouldn't suspect.  Some of the loneliest people in our society are the elderly.  Many of whom are in nursing homes, or are living alone with limited mobility, and no family nearby to help or visit them.  Is it any wonder that pet therapy is so popular and useful in America's nursing homes?

You may know lonely people who aren't elderly.  A single friend, who is hard-working, fun to be around, successful, and behind her/his own four walls, in a terrible state because they have no one of their own to share themselves with... who have no one to give them a hug or give them a reassuring touch.  The lonely person might be married... because, well... you know... Ozzie and Harriet were fictional characters.

Let's not pretend, my friends, that we don't need those things.  We do.  All of us.

I want you all to do me a favor.  Think of someone that you know that might be in this situation, and the next time you see them, give them a handshake.... put your hand on their shoulder... give them a hug.  Look them in the eye and let then know that you care about them.  Let them know they aren't alone.

I'm sure that we will see this lady at church tomorrow... I think that we'll invite her to dinner.