Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

The 2008 Gunfighter Awards

Friends, it's time for the 2008 Gunfighter awards!

The Gunfighter awards...  where I will award my personal accolades on films, television, books, politics, blogs & bloggers and anything else that pops into my head.

Giving awards on an opinion basis is a lot of fun, because I don't have to worry about making any powerful people angry... what are they going to do to little 'ol me?  Make sure that I never work in Hollywood?  I don't think that's part of my life plan, so I don't have to worry about it.  The only downside to THIS award show is what I said about it last year:  that there will be no spectacularly bad dresses or tuxedos on the red carpet.

 

Our first award is Villain of The Year:

There are lots of people that we could give this award to...  chief among them are George W. Bush and his ventriloquist, Dick Cheney.  They've done enough long-term damage to this country to earn this distinction for the rest of their lives, but, they get no villain award this year.  This year, the Villain of The Year award goes to Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-Illinois) 

Really Governor?  Trying to sell the Senate seat of the man who was just elected President of the United States?  You really thought that you would get away with that?  I am still stunned by it.  Worse than stunned... I am appalled.  Maybe I'm naive.  Maybe this kind of thing happens all the time and this is just the first time it has been brought so fully to light.  Maybe... but no matter what, Rod.  You are pond scum.  You are worse than pond scum.

You sir, are even more evil than the Grinch, and I am going to enjoy watching you do hard time.

The Worst Political Campaign Award:

This is a cinch, isn't it?  This award should have been easy to award... but alas there is a tie.  The two people who most deserve this award are serving United States Senators, and they are sharing this award because they both ran horrible campaigns for the Presidency of The United States. 

These Senators waged the most shameful and disgusting Presidential campaigns I have witnessed in my life.  Never, in my memory has there been a campaign that made more use of blatant fear-mongering and race-baiting.  Never have I seen a Presidential candidates so clueless, that he didn't know what authority he had to appoint or dismiss various officials.  Never have I seen a woman whom so many people admire for her progressive ideals willingly leap in to the mire of racism and "you're pickin' on me 'cause I'm a GIRL!" behavior.  Never have I seen a Senator I once admired for his dignity and willingness to cross party lines turn into a party automaton and piss away all of the things that made him admirable, just so he could have a last grasp at the oval office. 

This year, this award goes to Senators John McCain (R-Az), Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

 

The next award doesn't really need an explanation, does it?  Well, it shouldn't, anyway.  The next award is the: Don't-You-have-Better-Sense-Than-That? award

This award is for conspicuous bad judgment from someone that we SHOULDhave reason to believe is capable of much better judgment.  I tried to make a determination between two strong candidates, this year, but I was unable to tell the two apart in term of how freakin' stupid they are, so this year's award goes to both Elliott Spitzer, the former Governor of New York, and John Edwards, former Senator and Presidential candidate from North Carolina!

Really, gentlemen... what were you thinking?  I'll leave off of the moral accusations... there is enough that being flung about (deservedly) without me giving voice to it.  What I will discuss is your incredible bad judgment.  You really didn't think that you would ever be found out about your er... extramarital behavior?  Edwards, while a Presidential candidate, has an affair, while his wife suffers from cancer?  Dude!  And Spitzer... well, at least we know his wasn't an affair of the heart.  His affair(s) was/were strictly business:  This idiot spent tens of thousands of dollars on whores.. or a particular whore, which somehow seems worse.

What makes all of this worse than just bad judgment, is the fact that these two effing morons were elected leaders. They actually believed that they either wouldn't get caught, or that they could charm their way out of the political fallout.  Good grief.  The arrogance is amazing.

No... I'm not the sex police.  Personally, I'm not interested in the sex lives of politicians, but given the national political climate in America and our collective prudishness, these dummies really should have either done a better job of concealing their booty-call behavior, or stuck to web-porn for their jollies.

 

American Hero of the Year: 

This award is for conspicuous bravery in the face of incredible scorn, hostility, ridicule and the pressure of the United States government.  For braving professional antipathy, and potential loss of livelihood in order to do the right thing, the two recipients of this year's American Hero award are the two communications intercept officers at the National Security Agency (both Army reservists), who had the courage to speak up about the abuses that the super-secret agency were perpetrating in the name of "National Security", to wit:  Eavesdropping and recording personal communication, including intimate discussions, between our soldiers serving overseas, and their loved ones back home... and then passing the recordings around the office.  The persons who did this thing are despicable.  If you have the time to listen to love-talk between a solider and his/her spouse/girlfriend/life partner, you clearly don't have much work to do... or you are a pervert.  Pick one.  

 

Best Movie of The Year: 

Iron Man.  Hands down.  Don't EVENtry to mess with me on this one.  Don't give me any crap about Batman or Heath Ledger.  Nope.  Uh uh.  Not havin' any.  Robert Downey Jr. was the best possible choice to play Tony Stark/Iron Man.  The movie was well made with great production values... enough to satisfy even the overgrow comic-book geeks like yours truly.  Get it on DVD right away!

 

Unintentional Starting Of A New Catchphrase:

You know, being a political year, I would have to say that the hands down winner in this category has to be: "Drill, baby, Drill!"   I wish this one was as much fun as "Don't Tase Me, Bro!", but you can't have everything, I suppose.

 

Best Entertainment Discovery

Jim Haskins, the professional financial planner who turned his love of cocktail music into the recording series "Cocktail Piano".  Mr Haskins is only a quasi-professiaonal pianist, and has produced at least 11 excellent CD's of the most wonderful music.  These CD's are great for good conversation, and easy listening... and if you have a cocktail party, well, they are perfect.

 

Least-Talented Entertainer:

Well, I can think of no one more deserving than Colbie Callet.  If you are wondering who Colbie Callet is, don't feel like the lone ranger...  I had no idea who she was until Mrs Gunfighter mentioned her to me.  Mrs GF then went on to tell me about that obnoxious song that Callet sings:  "Bubbly".  Don't know the name?>  I didn't either... it's that damned "Starts in my toes and it crinkles my nose..." song that you hear waaay to often on the radio. 

 

The Way Out Of Your Depth Award:

This is a no-brainer... just like this year's recipient.  The Way-out-of-your-depth award goes to Governor Sarah Palin (R-AK).  Do I need to give examples?  How about I start and end with the fact that she doesn't really know what the Vice President is supposed to do?

Most Deserving Presidential candidate:

Dennis Kucinich.  Too bad most people won't listen to him.  I disagree with his position regarding Israel/Hamas, but he still deserved a better hearing than he got from the entrenched Democratic leadership.

 

Hottest Chick In Hollywood:

It's still Salma Hayek.  Lord have mercy.

 

The Worst Lawyer In America:

Alberto Gonzalez.  Hey, 'Berto, you are supposed to UPHOLD the law when you are attorney general... not break it or twist it to suit your master's illegal purposes.

 

The Best Beer In America:

Stone Imperial Stout

The biggest curmudgeon in America

Senator Ted Stevens (R-Ak)  Enjoy prison, Senator.  You earned that cell, in spades.

 

The Best Television Show

There is a tie, ladies and gentlemen!  A tie.  This award goes to my favorite TV shows:  Boston Legal, amd Terminator:  The Sarah Connor Chronicles. 

Sadly, the 2008 season was the fifth and final season for Boston Legal, which, for me, was the funniest show on television.  Much more than being funny, though, Boston Legal was smart.  It was political (and my kind of politics, too!), it was well-produced, and the writing was superb.  Of course, the absolute strongest part of the show was the on-screen interaction between characters Denny Crane and Alan Shore, played by William Shatner and James Spader, respectively.  I doubt television sees anything as smart as this for some time to come.  Alas.

As for Terminator:  The Sarah Connor Chronicles, this show isn't about smart.  Nope.  It's about cyborgs, morality, time travel, and blowing things up.  All of which are things I enjoy.  This season was even better than the last, and centered on... oh, you don't need to know the plot devices, do you?  See, there is this one cyborg, palyed by hot chick Summer Glau, who doesn't look like she could hurt a fly, and she is ass-kicker numero uno on this show.  What's not to love?

 

The Worst Television Show

This award goes out, with love and great big smoochy kisses, to all of those awful home-design shows on HGTV.  All of 'em.  'Nuff said

Best Gift Award

The best gift award goes to Mrs Gunfighter, who gave me a smokin' hot (and expensive) Japanese-made Santoku Chef's knife for Christmas.  Laugh if you like, but it was the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me.  Thanks, baby.

The second-best gift was the new Chevy Tahoe that Uncle Sam just gave me to drive.  It had 38 miles on it when I picked it up.  SCORE!

Best Bookstore

Mrs. Gunfighter says that the best for her is at the Visitors Center at Colonial Williamsburg.  No doubt we always find great things that we can't find elsewhere... but for me, it is the book section of the gift shop at Washington, DC's National Cathedral.  Just awesome.

Coolest Church

Has to be Bruton Parish in Williamsburg, Va.  It is the oldest, or one of the oldest, Episcopal congregations in the United States.  I really love that place.

Best Hotel Chain

The Hilton Garden Inn:  Hilton has never let us down in any of the places that we have stayed in them... and that is quite a few at this point.

Best Youth Sports Coaching Award

This award goes to Coach Patty.  Patty is a former jock herself, and has proven to be a great leader for the players on SoccerGirl's team.  I think that it is a great thing for the girls to have a woman as a coach, so they can see that women can be strong athletes and leaders too!  Hat's off to you, Patty... I appreciate you more than I can say.

Worst Political Prognosticator of the Year

Shelby Steele:  For believing and writing a book stating that Barack Obama COULDN'T win the Presidency.  Mr. Steele is an eminent academic and respect his body of work... but Mr. Steele, what part of YES WE CAN! did you not get?

Stupidest Athlete of The Year

Plaxeco Burress (WTF were HIS parents thinking about??): For shooting himself in the leg with an illegal handgun in  night club.

If only he had been carrying the gun in his hat.

Horse's Ass of the Year

George W. Bush:  What?  You thought I was going to leave him alone this year?  fat chance.  Bwaaahahahahahahahaha!

 

...and there you have them.  The 2008 gunfighter awards.

Happy New Year, everyone!

 

GF

 

 

American Music Awards - 2008

I enjoy awards shows.  Did you know that?  I suppose you may not know it if you are a little late to my blog.  If you've been around for a while, you know that it's true.

In the past couple of months there were two award shows that were on that I recorde and planned to review the next da, but I just never got around to it?  You know what I mean?  Work, family, soccer etc... etc... etc.... all conspired to get in my way.

Until now.

Saturday night, I sat in my rocking chair to watch the American Music awards.  Oh, I confess to fast-forwarding  through a great deal of it, but only because the show was from October, and therefore not really spending too much time on.  Until almost two hours into the nearly-three-hour show.

It was at that point in the show where Beyonce was introduced to sing a song whose name I I didn't know until I saw the show. It's called "Single Ladies". Do you know he song? You probably do... but me? I am probably the least cool man in America.

It's a catchy tune, to be sure, but the tune isn't what is really catching here.  I haven't seen this much booty shaking since Ike & Tina and the Ikettes.  Behold:

Nice, right? Here is the question that I have to ask. My question is: Would Beyonce and company be able to dance worth a damn without all that hair to fling about?

Jeez.

Oh, and on another subject. Is it just me, or does Kanye West come across as super-phony, and arrogant?

Anyway, so much for my ramblings in the dead of night.

Cheers,

Gunfighter

ME ME ME MEEEEEEME!

Being unable to resist these getting to know you kinds of things, I stole borrowed, ripped off copied this from my pal Liz over at Los Angelista's Guide To the Pursuit of Happiness (go read her, you'll love her)

I completed this on Dec 24th, so the answers are relevant to that day.  Today is December 29ht, and Soccergirl and I are off to have adventure in downtown DC.

1. What is your occupation right now? I am a tactical firearms instructor for a federal law enforcement agency.

2. What color are your socks right now? White.

3. What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head... that isn't crazy or anything... I happen to like the sound of my own thoughts.  I'm never lonely.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? A hard boiled egg was my breakfast around 0530.

 

5. Can you drive a stick shift? I can drive anything.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? One of my idiot shooters.  He wondered why I wouldn't let him come to the range to qualify with his guns at 2 P.M. on Christmas Eve... like I have nothing else to do???

 7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Oh yes.  Liz is a smart lady and writes about interesting things.  Although, she didn't really send it to me... she posted it at her blog, and I read it.

 

8. How old are you today? 45... and damn if I don't look good (except for that prodigious spare tire)

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?  Rugby!!!

10. What is your favorite drink?   Stone Imperial Stout.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?  Hell no!  I am suspicious of men that dye their hair.... or any reason other than acting.

 

12. Favorite food? Roasted chicken and vegetables.

13. What is the last movie you watched? Armageddon.  Laugh if you want, but it has everything... explosions, laughs, male-bonding, strippers, and space ships.

14. Favorite day of the year? The first day of summer vacation.

15. How do you vent anger? Unfortunately, I tend to shout... or get really quiet.  When I get really quie, it's time to watch out.  Really.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? A yellow Tonka dump-truck.

 

17. What is your favorite season? Summer.  Bring the heat!

18.. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries... from the tree... not thase thrice-damned Maraschino abomanations.

19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Of course

20. Who is the most likely to respond? I wouldn't even begin to know.

21. Who is least likely to respond? To this?  Probably Mrs Gunfighter.

22. Living arrangements? I live with Mrs Gunfighter and Soccergirl in a three bedroom townhouse... that has beautifully painted walls and lots, and lots (no, really... lots) of books.

23. When was the last time you cried? I don't remember. 

24. What is on the floor of your closet? Clothes.  Shoes.

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you're sending this to? I'm not going to send this to anybody, but I hope that lot's of my pals and silently lurking readers would do this, too.

26. What did you do last night? Went to Wegman's and shopped for Christmas dinner supplies.!

27. What are you most afraid of? My name is Gunfighter.  I fear nothing.  Nothing, do you understand me?.

28. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger? Spicy... with cheese.  I hate mayo.

29. Favorite dog breed? Greyhounds.  The most loving friend you'll ever have.  What's more, you don't have to have one of those annoying rat-dogs that are so popular these days. 

30. Favorite day of the week? Friday... it's so full of promise for Saturday

31. How many states have you lived in? California, New Jersey, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, Texas, and The District of Columbia (I'm counting it as a state for the sake of this post)

32. Diamonds or pearls?  You don't really think that I wear any sort of precious or semi-precious stones, do you?

See?  Aren't you glsad that you read this?

The Hamas/Israel Conflict

You know something? Despite what I think about my broad foreign-policy experience, there is no one in the world who is looking for my advice in diplomatic matters. Now, that could be for a number of reasons, the first and foremost would probably be that I have no experience in foreign relations… I have never been trained as a diplomat, you see, so I suppose that you could (if you were an uncharitable soul) say that my opinions don’t really mean much in this arena. Having said that, whether it is true or not, I still have some things to say about the things that I see happening in the world. In this case, I am talking about the current Israel-Hamas conflict.

You see, I don’t need to be a diplomat, or a General, or a Senator, or an academic to get right down to the elements of what’s going on there. Why not, you ask? Because it isn’t very complicated… that’s why not.

From where I sit, this little fracas (well, it’s little if you ain’t under fire) is a lot like two kids who live on the same street. One of the kids is bigger, stronger, and more capable than the other kid, who is scrappy, full of fight, and determined to be out of the other kid’s shadow. This little kid demands respect, even though nobody likes him. No one likes him because he is the local criminal, thug, hooligan and all-around pain in the ass. This doesn’t mean that the bigger kid is a saint… far from it, but at the end of the day, the bigger kid usually leaves people alone unless they threaten him.

Well, eventually, the smaller kid decides that he needs to get the attention of the big kid. He seems to have forgotten that the last time he made a real pest of himself; he took a good smacking…. So what does this kid go and do? He takes a sharp, pointy stick, and starts jabbing the big kid (I told you, this kid wasn’t very bright). The little kid figures that the big kid will just take it, since the last time the big kid got a lot of grief for smacking the little kid around.

He was wrong.

In this instance, most of the people on the block, except for the real idiots, figured that the little kid really earned his beating this time, and while they weren’t happy that the little kid was getting his a$$ kicked, they figured he had it coming, and kept silent.

The moral of this story is that smaller countries shouldn’t pick on their bigger, stronger neighbors, unless you want to bring a beating (or airstrikes) down on your own heads.

I'll tell you what, mate,: If someone was threatening me or my family with death, I wouldn't allow that person to live long enough to make the threat twice. You had better hurry up and believe that I mean it, too.

If I were in charge of the IDF (Israeli Defense Forces) in this little fracas, there wouldn’t be two bricks standing in formation in Gaza. Nor would there be anyone capable of carrying an AK-47 left standing.

It’s time for this crap to end.

Happenings

Things promise to be a bit busy here in the land of your favorite Gunfighter.  Over the next days and weeks my blog will rpobably reflect the madness that I will be likely to be experiencing.

On New Year's Eve, it will be time for Gunfighter's Holiday/Year in Review Letter.  I have never written one, and it promises to be er.... interesting.

On New Year's day, it will be time for the 2008 Gunfighter awards.  That fabulous award that says "I heart you" or your blog or music or movie etc....  The Gunfighter awards will also tell you (most likely someone else), that I think that you (or your blog, life, car, etc....) really suck(s.)   Some of the categories include Villain of the Year, Hero/Heroine of the year;  Best Movie; most lame excuse; Crappiest President (betcha know who wins that one); Stupidest Political stunt of the year, abd so on.  IT promises to be big fun.

Over the weeks between January 5th and the 20th, there will be a week worth of posts on topics submitted by you readers... if I get that many.  During the week or so before the inauguration of President Obama (I'll be damned if I don't like the sound of that... let me say it again:  President Obama!), it might get a little quiet here, as I will be involved.   Perhaps I should have some guest bloggers for the week?  What say you? 

Anyway, it is my hope that I might do some live-blogging on that day of days.  We'll see.

OK, off to Church.

Blog Topics: A Solicitation

I usually blog about things that pop into my head, or things that I see or read that I feel the need to express myself about.  Politics and politicians are frequently the targets of my commentary, but not always.  I would like to switch things up and this is where you come in.

As I have done in the past, I am going to let you pick the topic.

That's right.

You.  You out in British Columbia, Canada.  You, that person in Hertfordshire, UK.  My regular visitor from Barbados.  You lovely folks in Australia and New Zealand, and of course, all my countrymen here in the United States.... especially in Lawrenceville, Kansas.

I want YOU to pick a week's worth of topics for me.  Any subject.  Nothing sacred.  No third rail.  Give me some topics to blog about.... and I will spend a week blogging on them.  I won't give you a topic... you can just go with what suits your fancy.  Mind you, if it is too personal, I reserve the right to amend or delete as necessary.

If lurking is your thing, and you want to participate, email a topic to me at gunfighter1173 (at) gmail.com

OK, who is going to take the plunge first?   Don't be afraid... I won't hurt you... much.

GF

The Great Gunfighter Giveaway: Round Three

Not only is Christmas music a very popular thing at Castle Gunfighter (as I type this, soccergirl is belting out "Mary Did You Know?" ), it is also a popular theme in the blogosphere and that is certainly an advantage for those who wish to participate in this round of the Great Gunfighter Giveaway.  Not only is this round all about music (again), it happens that since Christmas actually has 12 days (it's not just some song you know, Christmas lasts until Epiphany), there is more Christmas music on the wing!

You see, Mrs. Gunfighter so enjoyed the first two volumes of "A Very Gunfighter Christmas", she decided, last night, that there needed to be a version of her own, since some of HER favorites didn't make my list.  So... There it is, five random commenters will be selected to receive the single-volume collection of "A Mrs Gunfighter Christmas".  This is a collection of HER favorites that I missed in my previous collection.

Here is the thing, kids, this is going to be a short round, as I hope to get all of these items in the mail by Tuesday, so you all had better be nimble with those comments (not here!, over THERE!)... and speaking of comments, they needn't be themed, just let me know that you are interested and that's enough... unless, of course you'd like to say something pithy or witty, in which case I am all ears.

Right then, carry on!

GF

Happy Kwanzaa!

An African-American scholar and social activist, Ron Karenga created Kwanzaa in 1966 as the first African-American holiday.  Karenga said his goal was to "...give Blacks an alternative to the existing holiday and give Blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and history, rather than simply imitate the practice of the dominant society,"  The name Kwanzaa derives from the Swahili phrase "matunda ya kwanza", meaning "first fruits". The choice of Swahili, an East African language, reflects its status as a symbol of Pan-Africanism. (wikipedia)

Happy Kwanzaa to all those who celebrate it!

Merry Christmas!

...and that, my friends, is what it means to me.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

GF

My Favorite Carol and a History Lesson (I)

  I have quite a few favorite Christmas songs, but one of my very favorites is "Good King Wenceslaus".  You know that one, right?  The King who goes out to give food, wine, and fire wood to a poor man during a snowstorm?  Yes, that's the guy.  The story of Wenceslaus isn't just something out of a song, you know. Wenceslaus was a real person, and a Saint, no-lessWell, if the words of the song don't do anything for you (and if they don't, check your soul at the door), perhaps you ought to check out the story of the real Wenceslaus, who was the King Duke of Bohemia (in the present-day Czech Republic), in the mid the tenth century.

Wenceslaus succeded to the Dukedom in about 918 A.D., at the age of 15, and was raised by his father and grandmother to be a devout Christian, even though his mother, who became Regent, was a pagan.   After Wenceslaus assumed the throne for himself, he made Christianity the state religion, and engaged in friendly relations with the various German kingdoms... which really pissed off his brother, Boleslav, who had designs on the throne for himself.

Boleslav, not being one to be done out of what he wanted, took drastic measures to usurp his brother's throne.  Conspiring with other dissenting pagans, Boleslav murdered Wenceslaus, in cold blood, while on the way to mass.

Wenceslaus was martyred and was named a Saint in very short order, and his feast day is September 28th.

The song itelf only dates back to the mid 19th century, the lyrics having been paired, in 1853, to music that dates back to the 15th century.

There, don't you feel better?