Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

When Things Don't Go as Planned (part II)

So, trying to be a good soldier the other day, I put on my power-walking shoes and did some mileage on them on the path around our resort.  I fired up my ipod, put on my headphones and away I went.

Mrs Gunfighter and Soccergirl were at the swimming pool while I pounded the pavement to the sounds of The Knack, The White Stripes, Guns n Roses, and AC/DC, and when I finished, I busted out some serious sets in the weight-room.

When I finished my workout, I went back to the apartment, had some water, took a shower and got ready to head out for our day.  While my family was preparing, I started a load of laundry... I figured I would toss it in the dryer when we got back... but when we got back, it turned out that the cycle hadn't finished.  I figured it was just a problem with the way the clothes were loaded, I re-adjusted everything and re-started the spin cycle.  After a few fits and starts, I got the cycle finished.

Guess what I found when I was unloading the washer?

This:

Nice, huh?

You can see the indentations at either end of the device... well, that is because the ipod was wedged, wedged, I tell you, between the agitator and the wall of the basket.  It was wedged so tight, I had to use all my strength, and considerable bodyweight to pry the freakin' thing out.

So, there you are, my next target for shoot 'em up Friday.

Damn! (all of my itunes were on the computer that just died).

GF

Guest Blogger - Cool Zebras: This Post Is NOT About Politics

Please welcome one of my earliest blog pals, Heather.  When Heather isn't super-busy with her growing family, she regularly blogs at Cool Zebras.

I was innocently Tweeting about my goal to finish writing two blog posts the other night when our friend GF asked if one of those posts was for his blog. 

After I picked myself up from the floor from the shock of being asked to guest post I went immediately into panic mode. What am I going to write for Gunfighter’s blog? I don’t write political stuff and I know nothing about guns. GF was open, but not all that helpful on topics: Whatever you like, my friend. (Awww. See? That’s why I said yes.) 

But I’m still lacking a topic. 

So. 

Ahem. 

{tapping fingers on chair} 

Did I mention that I don’t write political stuff? Yeah, I don’t so this post is most definitely NOT about politics. 

I don’t write about politics because by its very nature the topic is polarizing. I’ll be honest, I’m from Minnesota and we’re nice people. Have you seen Fargo? There’s a scene in the movie of a customer in William H. Macy’s character’s office (who is a car salesman) who didn’t order the Trucoat but agrees to pay for it anyway. The customer is angry, but the most he can muster is a mumbled expletive that seems to pain him to say. I think it’s the weather. When we’re freezing our butts off we have to conserve our energy so we stay alive. 

Here in Minnesota we’re being subjected to a Senate race between incumbent Norm Coleman and former SNL star Al Franken. The ads that are running? Let’s just say the first time I saw some of them I thought they were actually on SNL. Then I realized it was a Tuesday, and 9 o’clock in the morning.  

Let me give you an example for all of you who are fortunate enough to not live in Minnesota (hi everyone!). 

All of Norm Coleman’s “attack” ads feature two men with Scandinavian accents. Yes, I know we Minnesotans talk funny but it’s one thing to poke fun at us in a movie (i.e. Fargo …which I love, by the way) but another to portray us as the idiots that these ads seem to do. These two men ramble on about Franken’s supposed poor morals for being a comedian and the poor taste he showed in telling jokes. Then, the finale (right before Norm’s voice-over approval message) is the men smiling vacantly into the camera and saying in unison: “And we’re better bowlers!” 

Wha? 

Really, it’s the kind of stuff that makes me want to stick a fork in my eye. And that’s why I don’t write posts about politics.

Thanks, Heather.  Just so we are clear, here, I don't have any negative opinions of Minnesotans (except maybe for Jesse Ventura, but that's because he is a doofus, not because he is a Minnesotan), so please, don't stick any forks in your eyes.

GF

Clan Gunfighter & Tropical Storm Fay

You know, here in Florida, they talk about hurricanes, tropical storms, and other weather-related phenomena.  I call them..... rain.

In the unlikely event case you were concerned, Mrs Gunfighter, Soccergirl, and I are doing just fine.  We have had some rain today, and that is pretty much it.

We are hunkered down in our time-share, after a day at  Disney's Hollywood studios.  The laundry is a-tumble, the dishwasher is cleaning the dinner dishes, Soccergirl is asleep, and Mrs Gunfighter and I are enjoying some wine and cheese.

I pray that all of those in the path of this storm are doing as well. 

Blessings,

GF

Guest Blogger - Queen of The Mayhem: Infantile

Hey Y'all!

My name is Queen of the Mayhem and I am a REPUBLICAN. (dodging flying rocks from the peanut gallery). Who would have thought that my old friend Gunfighter would set a RED gal like me free on his site!  I figured while he was gone I would lower the standard a little and write about my favorite topic.....NONSENSE! 

 

To that end, I thought I might share some of the crazy things I have done to my family to appease my incredible desire to embrace all things infantile!

 

1. I have actually locked Mr. Mayhem out the car and insisted he perform dance moves before entering the vehicle.  After a rousing routine of the cabbage patch and running man....he gainted entry.  (If you have never seen the video of this on America's Funniest Home Videos....you MUST...it is cinematic genius)

 

2.  Mr. Mayhem is often annoyed by my ability to amuse myself.  Because of this....I feel like I must do it as much as humanly possible!  One day, while having a rousing conversation about male bathroom politics, I asked if he, "Shined his naked (nekked is the correct southern pronunciation) buns when he used the urinal?"  Just the fact that I uttered the word buns had me rolling.......but his indignant reply sent me over the edge.  It went something like,"If I saw a guy shining his ass in the bathroom, I would punch him in his mouth!"   I laughed until I cried on numerous occasions....even just remembering it!   GOOD TIMES!

 

3. I have a saying I use with The Princess (my soon to be 10 year old daughter), it goes, "Life is tough and then you die."  This is the best response to whiny cries of, "That's not fair," and other girlie nonsense.  Somedays I will transpose the saying into different genres of music.  It can run the gambit from opera to gangster rap.  You can only imagine how well received this is when she feels the world has wronged her!

 

4. I am a fourth grade teacher.  I actually refer to myself as the Queen in my classroom (can we say delusions of grandeur?).  I remind them constantly that, while America is a democracy and we are blessed to live in such a wonderful country, my classroom is a straight monarchy and they must adopt the mantra, "Don't question the Queen!"  It's actually a great way to establish that I run the show, while still using a bit of levity to make the point!   ( Oh....and yes....I DO believe that working with children has helped to foster my love of the immature!) 

 

5. Oh....and finally.....the best of the list.  Proof positive that I am perpetually stuck in fourth grade........while on vacation with a group of girlfriends, one of them bought a machine that makes a noise eerily similar to that of passing gas.  The sounds ranged from short and loud (this one made me laugh the most) to exceptionally long.   We then proceeded to use it on unsuspecting victims for the rest of the trip.  (Did I mention this was only a few years ago?)  The scene would go down something like this......we stumble across some people minding their own business, we go stand by them, I would utter something along the lines of,"OOOOH!  My stomach hurts SO bad....why did you let me eat all that food?"  Then my friend would push the button and we would die laughing watching their reactions.  Would it make me sound like a loser if I told you we rode the elevator up and down waiting for people to get on so we could torture them?  Yes?  Well.....then that NEVER happened! 

 

There you have it.  My confession typed for all of the world to see.  Blessed to spend the rest of my professional life molding the lives of the future leaders of our country AND yet, still acting like I am ten years old!  It's a tough job....but somebody's got to do it. 

 

Though Gunfighter and the Queen can't seem to agree on politics, they do both share a love of family!  Feel free to check out the day to day nonsense that occurs in the Deep South at www. millermayhem.com.

Guest Blogger - Maria: The stupidity of Americans regarding sex.

Dear Gunfighter Fans,

Hello there!  My name is Maria and I blog over at A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm.  I jumped at the chance to guest blog for GF while he's on vacation without me because aside from having a great blog, he's also a great guy and I hope I do a good job of this whole thing.

I am rather new to this whole guest blogging bit --in fact, this is my first time at the rodeo-- so I asked GF to give me a topic.  He suggested I write about the stupidity of the American public regarding sex.

All at once I realize this is a tall order, and almost like shooting fish in a barrel.  It's hard, because while people in America are very liberated about many subjects, they still flinch and/or gawk when they see a naked breast. 

And yet, Americans descend from the Puritans who fled England so they could have such colorful courtship rituals as making two young people sleep together within millimeters of one another's faces, but whose bodies were otherwise chastely separated by a board; they also beat homosexuals to death as a matter of course.   So of course if you're dealing with that kind of genesis, you're bound to have some issues, right?

(That would be the fish-in-a-barrel part)

But then there is the whole thing about the idolization of porno chic (bleached anuses, Brazilian waxes and g-strings to go to the supermarket, anyone?); the avid following of the not-an-issue-anymore love "triangle" of Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston and their subsequent issue (homewrecker whore/globetrotting madonna vs. the boring one?); the fact that most people in America --and abroad-- seem to know who Lindsay Lohan is-- and perhaps, dare I say it, who Jenna Jameson is; the fact that Denise "he wasn't married when I dated him" Richards got a show, along with Pamela Anderson and, oh, that's right, Lindsay Lohan's little sister (who may or may not have fake boobs at 14); and, oh Lord, the fact that Joe Francis is allowed to smile his smarmy smile as a free man.

Quick, kids: What's Paris Hilton's sex tape named?

(Oh please: 1 Night In Paris.  That's your cue to vomit.)

Ugh... see?  Maybe you don't know many of these references, but you are guaranteed to know at least two of the ones I've mentioned above, and our media seem to be obsessed with bringing us the most inconsequential bits of knowledge from these people's intimate lives, as if we're going to gobble it up-- which we will, by the by.  But when we're faced with examining why we're so incredibly interested in the lurid details of notorious and famous people, we realize that it's nothing but a thinly veiled excuse to judge them and to cast many a rock in their direction for being scandalous and immoral-- even as we avidly seek every new picture and detail.

In some ways, we haven't gotten past the old witch hunts, when women and men (but mostly women) who were considered a little too independent and feisty were pretty much systematically eliminated, have we?

Too bad the paparazzi weren't there to catch any "exclusives", right?

No, wait.  No, not right, wrong.  Right?

Guest Blogger-Flower Child: Reasons I Suck

1)       I took me forever to actually send a post to Gunfighter after he so graciously offered a posting on his oh-so-fabulous website

2)       My fridge is full of food I got at the farmers’ market which I’ll never eat because I just can’t seem to get around to cooking it.  What we throw out in a year is unforgivable

3)       I have so little patience with customer service – Jen’s polite interaction with Detroit Edison (http://a2eatwrite.blogspot.com/2008/08/summer-fun-with-detroit-edison.html) would never happen with me.   We wouldn’t get past “you suck”.

4)       I interrupt my husband, constantly.  Fortunately, I think he thinks it’s charming. 

5)       Remembering anyone’s name is next to impossible – to all of you, if I could remember your names, I’m sorry if I couldn’t qualify, “how are you,….” With something more personal.

 

Alright, enough beating myself up over the little stuff in life (heck, I’m not a Republican, that has to count for something).  I make tarts that are tasty and full of love.  And I have a job where I’m trying to save the world.  So what if my brain is forgetful and impatient! 

 

**********************************************

Flower Child, when she isn’t flying off the handle, flying off to some tropical non-paradise, or baking likes to spend time with her garden, husband, and 20-year old cat.

OK, I can't let this stand.  Having corresponded with Flower Child, an actually having met her, I can safely report that she doesn't really suck.  She is actually a very nice lady.  When you get a chance, you should go read her blog. 

Oh, and Flower Child?  That you aren't a Republican DOES count for something, here.

An Olympic Moment With Gunfighter

Greetings from St Simons Island Georgia.  It is a beautiful evening after a beautiful day.  We are seriously relaxing already, but I thought I would take a moment to share something with you.

Like many of you, I have been watching a lot of Olympic coverage since last Friday.  From the incredibly tedious opening to the games, to the on-camera freak-out of Bela Karoli when Nastia "Nasty Girl" Liukin and Shawn Johnson won the gold & silver in the All-Around gymnastic competition last night.

I have to tell you... I love the Olympics.  I really do, but I can't find it in my heart to love all of the sports in the Olympics.  One "sport" in particular really bugs me, and it's Beach Volleyball.

C'mon! Beach Volleyball?  An Olympic sport?

Really?

Look, You know that I'm no prude.  You know that I am as enamored of feminine pulchritude as any red-blooded, randy, American man... but I have to tell you:  I think that beach volleyball has no business in the Olympic games.

Sorry fans of the game..., but there it is.  I think that beach volleyball is frivolous and really stupid and certainly not serious enough to share broadcast dominance over the past week.

I don't fool myself as to why beach volleyball is not only included in the Olympic games, but featured so prominently in prime time.  It's this:

 

...and this:

 

...as well as this:

 

...and especially this:

Yes, I know that extremely fit young athletes are nice to look at.  Yes, I know that he Olympics has to make money and therefore sell advertising time, but come on.  Beach Volleyball?

Really?

I id a little research about this today, and I was disappointed to hear that the reason that some female beach volleyballers believe that the micro bikini is necessary in order to keep sand out of their suits.

Hm. 

Not being a chick, I hadn't thought about that.  It sounds reasonable... that is, until you take notice of the fact that male beach volleyballers don't wear Speedos for the same reason.

The IOC can do better than this.

When I am King, the following sports will be eliminated:

Figure skating
Ice Dancing
All Gymnastics
Bicycle Motocross
Equestrian
Beach Volleyball
Diving
Synchronized diving (again... be serious, please)
Synchronized Swimming
Snowboarding
Freestyle Skiing
Baseball
Softball
Ping Pong... Oh.  sorry.  I mean Table Tennis

AMENDMENTS:  Speedwalking, Badminton, and Trampoline will also be eliminated.

Sorry if any of your favorite sports are on the list... you'll have to console yourself with the fact that there will be at least one new medal sport taking their place:
'
Rugby. 

Yes, you heard me... when I am King, "The Game They Play in Heaven", will be a medal sport.

A medal sport in both summer AND winter games.

Any KOGFOC (Kingdom of Gunfighter Olympic Committee) member that doesn't comply, will be.... retired.  Retired with with extreme prejudice.

As I mentioned earlier, and as you saw yesterday, there will be quite a few guest posters here while I am gone, but I'll still be around from time to time on while I am away, but in the mean time, I have lot's of this:

To do.

GF

Guest Blogger - Anali: A Recipe

Hello to all of you out there in Blogland!  The Gunfighter family is off on a wonderful summer vacation and I’m Anali, your guest blogger today. Sit back, relax, and grab a cup of coffee.  Tea if you prefer.  Maybe some chai to accompany the delicious dessert that I have for you. 

I normally blog over at Anali’s First Amendment.  Hopefully you’ll stop by and check me out over there too when you get a chance.  I blog about everything.  Life in general, books, movies, politics.  I love to take pictures.  Plus I love to bake. A lot.  So, I thought that I’d share a recipe for something that I tried recently.   

For me, baking is all about creativity and improvisation. Sure, I use cookbooks, but recipes are merely a guide and I change them constantly.  It’s very rare that I follow a recipe exactly.  And I’ve started creating my own recipes too.   

For this recipe, I started with Jordan Marsh’s Blueberry Muffin recipe, which I blogged about last year.  I’ve eliminated most of the dairy from my baking, so I use vanilla rice milk instead of regular milk and Earth Balance vegan sticks instead of butter.  I added chai for a different flavor and aroma and changed some of the proportions of the other ingredients as well. I only had one cup of blueberries, so that’s what I used.  

I hope that some of you try this recipe.  Please let me know if you do.  Enjoy!

Chai Blueberry Bread

 

½ cup Earth Balance (melted)

2 eggs

1/3 cup vanilla rice milk

1 chai tea bag

1-cup sugar

½ tsp. salt

1 ½ tsp. baking powder

2 cups flour

1-cup blueberries (fresh or frozen) 

Heat oven to 375 degrees.  Prepare loaf pan by spraying with cooking oil and coating with flour.  If you like, line bottom of pan with parchment paper or wax paper cut to size. 

In a small container, heat rice milk in microwave. Steep tea bag in warm rice milk for about five minutes.  Remove tea bag. 

In medium bowl, combine Earth Balance, eggs, rice milk, and sugar.  Stir well.  Add salt, baking powder, flour, and stir until combined.  Stir in blueberries.  Pour batter in pan.  Bake for about 45 minutes or until lightly browned.  

Let cool before removing from pan. 

 

Here’s another chai recipe that you might enjoy. 
 

Anali's First Amendment © 2006-2008. All rights reserved.

On Vacation!

Clan Gunfighter is officially on vacation!

We are currently on St. Simons Island, Georgia, and loving the relaxing coastal Georgia cuisine and beaches.

I will be posting from time to time while we are gone, but several of my blogging pals have agreed to step in and guest post while I am away.

Behave yourselves while I'm gone.

GF

So, John Edwards... There You Are!

Early in the 2008 Presidential campaign, I did a post called How I Choose.  The thrust of this post was my own, personal, methodology for determining how I choose what political candidates to support for office.

When I wrote that post, I said that as much as I want to have a Democrat win the Presidency in November, there were certain Democrats that I would not and could not support, no matter what, because of their pusillanimous, weak-kneed, support for George W. Bush's illegal, immoral invasion of a sovereign nation that not only posed no threat to the United States, but not credible threat to it's neighbors.

One of those Democrats was Hillary Clinton, and if you have been reading me for a while, you know that I couldn't have voted for her for the same reason... but today I want to talk about former Senator John Edwards.

John Edwards, as you all know, has been in the news all weekend because of his dalliance with a woman who is not his wife.

Personally, I don't give a rat's ass about his reasons for having the affair.  To go one step further, I don't care at all that he hadan affair.  I am of the opinion that marital issues are the sole province of the persons involved in the marriage... and perhaps of the interloper as well, but that isn't my point today.

My point is that I thought that Edwards' vote on the war in Iraq showed incredibly poor judgment.  It showed a weakness of character that would certainly have raised it's head during the tough times that all Presidents face at some time or another during their administrations.  Simply put, this "incident" tells me that John Edwards didn't/doesn't have the right stuff to be President of the United States.

Sure, there are many people who will go on to tell us how great his ideas were, and how progressive he is in his ideas for anti-poverty legislation, but all of that is nothing when this guy, this really smart guy, is so bloody freakin' stupid as to think that you can be a high-profile activist/politician/PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE and not get caught when doing the nasty with a piece on the side.

Personally, I am flabbergasted by the stupidity.

Look, no moral judgment on the getting-some-on-the-side... people do this.  Men do this.  Women do this, too.  Whatever... but, dude, you knew in 2006 that you were going to run for President.  You just didn't think that this would come up?  WTF?

Really.

You thought that in today's sex-obsessed America, that no one would find out?

Really?

I'm glad I'm not one of your breathless supporters... because instead of being stunned by your stupidity, I would be angry beyond belief.  Alas, some of my friends here in Internet-land were your supporters, and lucky for you, still are your supporters... I grieve for those of them who feel betrayed.

You know, I just finished typing a long screed about your complete lack of any moral authority, now that all of this has come to light, but I'm not going to go in that direction.  I'm no one to judge you or anyone else.

John Edwards, I dub thee the stupidest man in America (after George w. Bush, of course)