The 2008 Oscars

Well, the 2008 Oscars are in the books.

Let's have a look, shall we?

Please note:  My comments were bing typed nearly in real-time, as I started watching the show at about 9:40.

My friends, the 2008 Oscars are about to start, and if you have been reading me for a while, you know that this is my big TV night!. All of the other award shows, The SAG awards, The Emmy’s, The Grammy’s, The NAACP Image Awards, The Golden Globes, the Juno awards (big ups to my Canadian readers, eh?!), and the Brit Awards (I don’t think any Brits read me anymore… Oi!, you Brits, you can come back now… you know that I love you)….. All of these pale in comparison to the Oscars (although I really do like the BAFTA’s. Before you say anything, the reason that you don’t see any mention of the BET awards is because I am participating in the boycott of BET (Black Entertainment Television)

If you have been reading for any length of time, you know that I love award shows, beyond reason. You also probably know that I seldom have seen any of the nominated films before the show… but hey, that’s me… I’m not watching this show because of who wins what… not at all,

I want to see people say and do really dumb things. I want to see how horribly (or whore-ibly) they are dressed. I want to talk about who seems hammered, who behaved poorly, and to see if Joely Fischer’s breasts make an appearance. Yes, I mean that. I’m a man. Sue me.

As usual, I have Tivo’ed the Red Capet activities from E!… not because of the vapid activities of Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana DiPandi, but because it’s fun to see what these people wear (sometimes it’s REALLLLY bad)

As I type this, we are an hour and a half from start-time, and I am getting a head start on this post as Mrs Gunfighter and I enjoy some wine, and listen to the newest CD in my collection: Gregorian Chill Out. Yes, Gregorian as in Latin monastic chanting. Before you laugh too hard, you should give it a listen some time. Really. Anyway, we are at the kitchen table listening to some music, having a glass of wine, Mrs GF is reading, SG is watching something on television upstairs, and eating her dinner, while I type away here, and keep an ear open for the kitchen timer. I am roasting a chicken, tonight, and I think it’ll be a good ‘un

Well, it’s time for the red carpet…. And after some banal chitchat, the first person up is style guru Kimora Lee-Simmons, that irritating pothead stoner.

Heidi Klum & Seal talk to Seacrest, who were wearing Galliano & Dior… and to be honest, while they look great, does anyone really give a damn who the designer is? Heidi informs us that she isn’t wearing a bra, but she IS wearing “tiny panties” (and thanks for sharing that, Heidi, really).  Heidi says that isn’t interested in seeing any of the movie stars tonight... ash she says: “I have my man!” Um… Heidi? I love you, mein schatz, but that bun on the back of your head looks like some sort of alien appendage.

Ryan gets to talk to George Clooney & his girlfriend Sarah something-or-other. Clooney seems like a good guy.

And then talks to Jason Bateman… Zzzzzzzzzzz.

After Anne Hathaway, he talks to Sairose Ronan…. From Atonement. What a cute Irish brogue.

Hey… The Rock is here! I love that guy!  OK, is it just me, or does he sound a wee bit like Barack Obama?

Here comes James McAvoy! I like that guy. He was great in The Last King of Scotland…

Wait!

Wait!

It’s Helen Mirren… purrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. You know that Gunfighter loves some Helen Mirren. Still sexy. Way sexy.

Oh… It’s Tilda Swinton. I think she is quite a handsome woman... in an unusual sort of way.

Cameron “The Frog” Diaz I still don’t think that she is very good looking.

Alright… it’s show time, kids. Tighten your seat belts.

John Stewart is hosting tonight, and although I don't normally find him to be terribly funny... we will see how he does.

Opening sequence… okay, kinda cool.

Here is John. Hey, it’s Nicholson on the audience, wearing his shades, of course.

Diablo Cody, the screenwriter for Juno has a Sailor Moon (or something) tattoo on her shoulder.l.. and where the hell do you get a name like Diablo Cody?

Stewart:  “The Oscar is 80 this year. Which makes him the automatic front-runner for the Republican nomination”

OK, more stupid political jokes follow, most of which tank.

Jennifer Garner presents first… isn’t she purdy?.  The first award is for:

Costume design

Across the Universe

Atonement

Elizabeth: The Golden Age - Winner

La Vie en Rose

Sweeney Todd

Not surprisingly, the winner, whatever her name is, looks like a complete freak!

Next George Clooney comes out to talk about the history of the Oscar. A montage of presentations etc….

Anne Hathaway and Steve Carrel are next… apparently they are going to star in the upcoming “Get Smart” movie.  They present for:

Animated Feature

Perespolis

Ratatouille - Winner

Surf’s Up

Ratatouille wins! Go Disney!

Here is Katherine Heigl, who looks lovely in red, to present the awards for best makeup... as if anyone outside of the industry really cares.

Amy Adams sings “Happy little Working Song” from Enchanted… I guess it is a best song nominee… it's irritating.

The next Presenter is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson…. Ain’t he cool?  Presenting for best visual effects.

Visual effects

Transformers

Golden Compass - Winner

Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End

Take THAT, Catholic League!

Cate Blanchett is next. So hot... even pregnant. Who doesn’t love the Aussie accent? She presents for art direction but I could care less about that, so I am fast forwarding. Why? ‘cuz it’s my Tivo, and my blog, and that what blog owner’s do!  Yeah.

Oooh, it’s Jennifer Hudson… doesn’t she look splendid!? Thank God that not every woman in Hollywood isn’t built like a dinner fork. She is presenting for best supporting actor.

Supporting actor

Casey Affleck

Javier Bardem - Winner

Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Hal Holbrook

Tom Wilkinson

I didn’t see the movie, but the clip looked awesome.

Bardem thanked everyone, and then gave thanks in Spanish for his mother. Very nice

Hey, Dancing With The Stars Starts Monday, The 17^th!

Here is Kerri Russel for another best song nominee A Song called "Raise it up". I like it… it is being sung with a gospel choir.  Apparently the lead female vocal in this song is only 12 years old. Wow.

OK, getting a little tired of Stewart , now.

Owen Wilson presents for live action and animated short film…. I won’t bother with details, because no one cares.

Allen Arkin is next to present for Best Supporting actress.

Supporting Actress

Cate Blanchett

Ruby Dee

Saoirse Ronan

Amy Ryan

Tilda Swinton - Winner

Swinton makes funny remarks... completely deadpan.  I love the British humor delivery.

Jessica Alba presents for The scientific and technical awards that you, again, don’t care about.

OK, some guy who talks about how the Oscar decisions are made…. Fill, fill, fill.

Stewart is back to introduce Miley (overexposed) Cyrus. the presenter for…. Another best song nominee.

You know, I think that Jon Stewart is hosting his last Oscars... I think that he isn't doing very well.

Seth Rogan and some other fat, bespectacled, hairy schlumpfs with horn rimmed glasses and bad haircuts are nominating for sound editing!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Forest Whitaker is next, Presenting some award, and he starts with quoting Marlon Brando.... OK, Forest, get on with it.

Actress

Cate Blanchett

Julie Christie

Marion Cotillar - Winner

Laura Linney

Ellen Page

How wonderful. Marion Cotillar seems so nice., and genuine.

OK, it's getting a little late now…. Here is Colin Farrell for the 4^th nominated Best Song

Now comes Nicholson, to introduce best picture montage, and then Renee Zellweger for achievement in film editing.  I wonder who Zellweger's voice coach was, to help her get rid of that God-awful Texas twang she used to have.

Nicole Kidman… the reportedly pregnant Nicole Kidman. She is as white as a sheet… and not very good looking when you get right down to it. Production Design? Fast forward!!!!

Next is Penelope Cruz: Best foreign language film

Foreign Language Film

Beaufort (Israel)

The Counterfeiters (Austria) winner

Katyn (Poland)

Mongol (Kazakhstan)

12 (Russia)

John Travolta presents the best song award, but again, we still don’t care…. Moving on

Hey, after the break, Stewart reintroduces the young woman who did the best song. She apparent;y didn’t have enough time to thank people. So here she is. I guess they were running out of time.

Next is Cameron Diaz… a cinematography award.

OK, I have caught up with the broadcast right at eleven o’clock…

Hilary Swank talks about dead people,shows Montage…

Amy Adams does Best Score…

Tom Hanks with American soldiers from Baghdad, via video... who are presenting the Best Documentary - Short Subject…. Now, I have to ask, what the fuck are you doing on TV if you have a war to fight?

I think those soldiers need to come home. Right now.  If they have time for this bullshit, they aren’t needed in Iraq.

Documentary Short

Freeheld - Winner

La Corona (The Crown)

Salim Baba

Sari’s Mother

Then Hanks presents for..

Documentary Feature

No End In Sight

Operation Homecoming: Writing The Wartime Experience

Sicko

Taxi To The Dark Side - Winner

War/Dance

Harrison Ford presents for Best Screenplay, which is won by Diablo Cody for Juno.  I love the fact she was courageous enough to show her ink.    I don't know about the leopard print dress, though.

Helen Mirren presents for Best actor

Actor

George Clooney

Daniel Day-Lewis - Winner

Johnny Depp

Tommy Lee Jones

Viggo Mortenson

Best Picture

Presented by Denzel… Good God, it’s midnight! I have to get up in 4 hours.!!!!!

Juno

Atonement Best Actor

No Country For Old Men - Winner

There Will Be Blood

Michael Clayton

Paul Thomas Anderson - There will be blood

Ethan & Joel Coen - No Country For Old Men - Winner

Tony Gilroy - Michael Clayton

Jason Reitman - Juno

Julian Schnabel - The Living Bell & The Butterfly

Cue the music, big applause.... I gotta go to sleep.

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Wasn't that fun?  I didn't think so.  I think that had to be the dullest Oscar broadcast that I have ever seen!

Jeez!