Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

Is it Just Me? (2)

Is it just me?, or has the concept of manners changed while I wasn't looking?

I don't mean to come across all crotchety or anything, especially since I have that reputation, but I am beginning to think that I might be something of a curmudgeon.

Here is my drift: Just about every Sunday, after church, we go to lunch at our local Bob Evans restaurant. We do this pretty much every Sunday, and something that I regularly see there is bothering more and more. It is something that has always bothered me, but has become nearly unbearable: Men who wear hats indoors, and especially at the table.

Since when is this ok? Did I miss something?! I was raised in the in the 1970's... has that much changed? I was raised to believe that a man wears a hat to cover his head to keep it dry, or warm, or to protect it from the sun. A man also wears a hat if it is part of a uniform. I was also trained to believe that no man who has any business being called a gentleman, keeps his hat on when he is indoors. I was raised to believe that it is no less than an outrage to be seated for a meal while wearing a hat.

Yes I know that there are exceptions, but generally speaking: Hats worn indoors are verboten.

These days you see it all over the place. Baseball caps... often two sizes too large, sitting sideways or backwards on the head of some teenager, or worse, an adult, who thinks he is being fashion-forward. Bad enough that it usually looks kind of stupid, but worse when done indoors... ok, I'm not that rigid... I get it if you are wearing a hat in the mall... the mall is sort of today's answer to Main street. I get that.... but when you are in a restaurant? C'mon, guys!

The other thing that has been bothering me a great deal is this trend: Talking on your cel phone during a meal. Whats that all about? Must you really answer that call during dinner? It isn't that I care if you are rude at home, but do I really need to hear your conversation?

While we are on the subject of telephones... The bookstore. Why can't you use your inside voice on your cel phone? you really needn't shout... that device that you are speaking into is a microphone. See, it picks up your voice, and amplifies it for the receiver that you are speaking to. Thats how that works. Why Can't you have that conversation in the bookstore cafe? Would you make that much noise in a library?

You probably would, you f***ing barbarian!

The Tabloids and The Gunfighter

Comrade Zanne has decided to call me out about my family's consumption of celebrity tabloid magazines, since I mentioned them in a recent post. So let me tell you about it

I mentioned that Mrs Gunfighter and I "read" the celebrity tabloids... all of them. We regularly purchase US, Life & Style, OK!, The Star, and In Touch. While I know that this sounds like a significant investment, let me just say that there is method to our madness.

We look at the tabloids like this: We don't watch a terribly huge amount of network television, and almost never go to the movies... or rent movies for that matter. Having said this, we are able to keep up with entertainment aspects of pop-culture, while sitting at the kitchen table.

OK, now you know our basic reasoning for buying those rags. Let me tell you another aspect of our reasoning. Reading (ok, looking at the pictures) tabloids is Patriotic. That's right, we are Americans!, and as such, we love nothing more than moralizing and tsk-tsking about the recent Re-hab antics of Britney Spears. We love to say that WE would never do anything like get busted by the cops for playing the bongos while naked and smoking dope. No. Not us. Not good ol' Ward Cleaver Gunfighter & family. Not buyin' it? Well, ok.

The truth is that, to us, Hollywood might as well be another planet, and celebrities are aliens... or at least zoo creatures. We look. We point. We cringe. They aren't like us, and we, thank God, aren't really anything like them. For an hour or so on a friday or saturday evening, we look at and discuss the freak-show and then get back to our regularly scheduled lives.

Harmless fun.

Mad Props To Robert

I went grocery shopping this evening at the nearby Shopper's Food warehouse. This store is part of a large regional chain, and it is where we regularly do our bi-monthly "big shop".

I'll spare you the details of what I purchased (unless you are at all thrilled by Quaker Oat Squares), and get right down to the purpose of this post. You will, no doubt, remember my post from earlier this week about supermarket checkers/baggers, and about a particular checker named Candace. Well, this is the store that she works in. After I filled my cart with all sort of things, it was time to check out. I saw Candace and made sure to avoid her line (I won’t make THAT mistake again).

I got into a line that looked like it was being run by a capable fellow, and it turns out that for once, I made the right decision. This young man’s name was Robert, and he is the best checkout clerk that I have had the pleasure of seeing in some time. I knew I had a winner when he said “good evening, sir”.

Robert was efficient, sorting through the items on the belt to properly bag the items with other appropriate items. He put the bread in the same bag as the disposable roasting pan and a package of napkins. He put my tabloid magazines (yes, we “read” them) in an appropriate bag. He didn’t squish the grapes; he didn’t put the beer bottles in the same bag as the bottle of wine. I could go on, but I am certain that you get the picture.

This guy was the anti-Candace! I won’t go as far as to say that he restored my faith in checkout clerks… but I did feel really good about the end of my shopping adventure.

So, Thanks a bunch, Robert! I’ll be looking for you next time, dude.

O Canada!

Have I ever mentioned my love for things Canadian?

No?

Well, I love Canada. I really do. By now, you have probably already noticed that I have a deep interest in unusual things, so this shouldn't really shock you. Now, I don't mean to suggest that Canada is unusual, but it is different from where we live, here, in the less northern part of "North" America.

Oddly enough, most Americans never spend much time talking about Canada. Think about it… how much Canadian history did you learn in high-school? None, I'll bet... and for most of us, when does Canada ever come up in conversation... I mean, outside of a discussion about Bob and Doug MacKenzie (yes, I'm showing my age here).

How many of you have ever seen any Canadian television shows? Damned few, I'll bet, unless you, like my dear friend Janet O, lives somewhere near the border. Isn't that bizarre? How can it not strike you as strange, that we have a television channel in America that is a vehicle for showing British programming (BBC America, which I love), but no Canadian programming is shown here… Wait, I take that back… have any of you ever seen DaVinci's inquest? Canadian.

There are other Canadian shows that used to be shown here in the U.S. on a channel called Trio, on DirecTV. I used to watch a show called "Street Legal", which was a lawyer show set in Toronto. There was also a great show that was called Black Harbour, set in Nova Scotia, about a family that moved back to the wife/mother's hometown with her American husband and children, from many years spent in Los Angeles. It was a pretty cool show.

There is more to my love of Canada than television… there are other things… things like the number of Canadians that live among us without our notice. People like the late Peter Jennings, Sandra Oh, Mike Myers, Michael J. Fox, Natalie MacMaster, Oscar Peterson, Jim Carey, Matthew Perry and of course, one of my favorite actors… William Shatner.

I am also rather taken with Canadian money. Canadian money makes a little more sense than ours does. I like the fact that the bills aren't all the same color. I like the fact that the Canadians have, sensibly, gotten rid of dollar bills in favor of one and two dollar coins.



Pretty cool, eh?

I also enjoy learning about Canadian history… especially as it pertains to so many important things in the early history of our own republic… and if you don't believe me, check the history of that unfortunate little dust-up that we commonly refer to as the War of 1812.

There are a few things about Canada that I don't like, though. Things like Celine Dione, Pamela Anderson, and a rude little cow named Prunelle, who worked in the McDonald's located in the Montreal train station, back in 1998. I'll tell you the story some day.

Did you know that I can sing all of the words to the Canadian National Anthem? I can… but only the first verse, and only in english.

Did you know that my friend Janet lives in Michigan, and went to McGill University? I'll bet you didn't know THAT, didja? She went to the same school as William Shatenr... how cool is that>?!?! Did you know that fellow bloggers, Trish and Zanne are Canadian? Zanne is a transplant, and Trish still lives in the great white north. How can a country that produces folks like them NOT be a pretty cool place?

I have many online friends from Canada, here is what is probably an abbreviated list...; I'll try not to leave anyone out:

Romper
Lloyd
SPU
Robot Johnny
Daniel
Kathlenios
Bud The Spud
Elena (she of the ...... dots....)

(please forgive if I have left anyone out)

Well, enough about Canada for today... I could go on and on, but I won't, mainly because I have a class to teach this morning.

So, when you are out and about today, give a thought about Canada... our northern neighbors. There are some good folks up there.

Conversations With Olivia (2)

Setting: While driving near Potomac Mills Mall about a year ago, I MAY have been a trifle late stopping at a traffic signal.

Olivia: "Daddy?"

Me: Yes, babe?

Olivia: "Daddy, that light was red"

Me: (innocently) "Was it, babe?"

Olivia: (not buyin' it) "Yes, it was"

Me: (sheepish) "um…"

Olivia: "Daddy?"

Me: Yes, babe?

Olivia: "God saw that."

Me: "I'm sure he did, babe"


Busted.

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me, or are the checkers at the supermarket getting worse and worse?

When I was a kid... way back in the misty days of yore... The ladies (usually) that worked at Shop-Rite or Grand Union (or whatever chain they had where you were raised) that took great care to maximize the amount of stuff that they could cram into your bag (brown paper, thank you… none of the plastic stuff back in 1975). Not only would these ladies fill the bag, they would do it without wrecking any of the items that you were about to purchase with your hard earned ducats.

These days, when I go to the supermarket, I get some barely-out-of-his/her-teens wiseass, who, taking no pride in her work, slings groceries into the bag without the slightest care of what gets bagged with what!

For example: Who, in their right mind, thinks that it is smart to put all of your canned goods… all 8 or 10 cans, in the same plastic bag… without even doubling the bag? I mean, it isn't just me, right? I am certain that none of you would really think that it was prudent to put one of those large, "screw-the-cap-on" bottles of wine in the same bag as a jar of Salsa and two one-and-a-half pints of "Dead Guy Ale", would you? In addition to all of this, this young woman, I'll call her Candace… because that is her real name, puts a package of paper napkins in a single bag all alone!

Ok, ok… maybe I am just being a little too sensitive about it. Maybe I should just be quiet about it.

Ummm.

No.

Sorry Candace, but I have to ask if the people you work for ever bothered to train you? Was there any sort discussion as to how you should bag things? Didn't they tell you not to put glass containers against one another? Didn't they give you some notion of how much those bags can take before the contents spill onto the asphalted parking lot? Didn't the tell you that putting heavy items on top of rectangular boxes will tear the bags and create unhappy customers?

Didn't they at least tell you not to chew gum while you are bagging?

Did no one warn you that Gunfighter is not the unhappy customer that you want in your line?????????????

Well, they should have.

Enough!

What is it with people that think I want to hear their cute/clever musical ringtones on their cellular phones?

Do these people think that I really want to hear the snippet of some song that (usually) irritates me played at the loudest level that the telephone has?

In the time it has taken me to write this, the new idiot whose cubicle is ten feet from my office door has received 6 phone calls. Not that I care about how much time he spends on the phone, but does anyone really need to hear the "Flight of The Bumblebee" 6 times in ten minutes?????

I am seriously thinking of putting a bullet through this guy's phone!

Maybe I need a day off.

Secret Agent Man!

I meant to mention this yesterday, but... well, my memory sometimes fails me:

When GWB finished the State of The Union address the other night, there was a close-up shot of him as he exited the chamber. As he passed behind a Secret Service agent, the camera had a really tight shot of the agent's face, and I found myself looking into the face of a classmate of mine from when we first went to the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center (FLETC) lo, those many years ago.

He had been with a different agency then, and had subsequently left that agency to work with the Secret Service, but I hadn't seen him in years, and didn't know he was doing protection.

A very pleasant surprise.

State of The Union

I won't parse the speech. Those that watched it that will probably read my blog already feel the way I do, for the most part. I would, however, like to make the following observations:

1. Dubya's welcome from Congress was respectful, but not even his few remaining Republican stalwarts could make it sound particularly good.

2. Nice of W to make reference to Pelosi's historic role.

3. H. Clinton practically sneered through the speech.

4. Wonder of wonder... W praised the efforts of civilian employees in the federal government! (truthfully, most of us can't wait for that dirtbag to get out of town. You know an administration isn't worth a shit when they spend so much time running down the employees that make the government run).

5. General Schoonmaker, the Army Chief of Staff looked sick. I think he can't wait to get off of that hot-seat.

6. Speaker Pelosi looked great!

7. Vice President Cheney looked like Dick Cheney.

8. Because of Mixter's drinking game, I knocked off 5 bottles of Dominion Ale during the speech... and I was taking it easy.

I think the speech was poor. I also think that none of his logic-challenged words are going to help him convince the people of this country, that we should have any confidence in him as a leader.

On the other hand, the Democratic response, given by my state's new Senator, Jim Webb, was great. He was reasonable, he wasn't shrill, and he got on point from the start, and stayed on point.

I will end here by asking if any of you saw Keith Olbermann's interview with Senator Clinton, prior to the sppech? In it, Olbermann asked the Senator what she thought the state of the union was. She replied with the best answer anyone could have given: "Troubled" . She's right.

Cheers,

GF

State of The Union - The Drinking Game!

I lifted this, with permission, from a new blog pal. Please give Mixter a visit. She has a good head on her shoulders.


The State of The Union Drinking Game

Okay, how many of you used to play "Bob?" Bob was a drinking game. If you've ever watched The Bob Newhart Show, you may have noticed that the characters say "Bob" a lot. So, resourceful teenagers that we were back in the day, starved for entertainment and wanting to get drunk, we would take a drink any time Carol, Jerry, Emily or Howard would say "Bob." It was almost as fun as playing quarters! (We had a similar game for "Oscar" while watching The Odd Couple.) Yeah, I drank just a bit as a young adult...

So, I've decided that tomorrow night (tonight), during Our Dear Leader's State of the Union Address, I'm gonna get good and sloshed. Wanna play? You're gonna need some beer and some hard liquor. Here are the rules:

Each time Dubya says "September the Eleventh," everyone drinks a shot. I'll be going with tequila, one of my old favorites from way back when.

Each time you catch Dubbie mentioning the "War on Terror," you get to make the other people in the room drink a shot.

Each time Dubbie says "freedom," chug that brewski!

Each time he mentions Osama bin Laden by name, you don't have to do anything: He's not going to mention him anyway...

Other drinking cues: "Liberty," "enemy," "terrorists," and "nukular."
By the time the SOTU address is over (and before you have to listen to the Democrats' response or Chris Matthews' nattering) you, your friends and your loved ones will be good and wasted! The SOTU has never been this much fun!

Gunfighter's note: is going to be a blast! I think I'll have to go buy some beer... a lot of it. However, I will avoid the hard liquor, because when good ol' GF gets a load on... it's SHOWTIME... and it ain't pretty!