Gunfighter: A Modern Warrior's Life

Old Ladies

When we were in Florida a few weeks ago, we had the occasion to try and hide out from a fast-moving thunderstorm (as you get in central Florida in the afternoons), right as we neared the Norwegian pavillion at EPCOT. 

While we joined the queue for the Norwegian themed ride called Maelstrom,were were joined by two young couples from Providence, Rhode Island, who were behind us in the line, just as we were behind a family group the consisted of a boy of around 10, a young teen-aged girl, a woman in her 40's and an older woman, who seemed to be the matriarch of the group, who was using one of those electric scooters that are fairly common to folks with mobility problems.  The old lady's family were all in front of her, and she pulled up the rear, directly in front of me, In her scooter.

Well, the line was progressing steadily towards the ride's loading area, when all of a sudden, my family and the group behind us were assaulted by what had to be the most horrendous fart in human history.

Now, friends, you know that I don't really like to talk about such things at my blog.  I think things scatalogical are best left for other venues... but I have to tell you that this was bad.  Wait.  No, it wasn't just bad.  To say that this was bad would do a grave in justice to the gravity of this situation.  this was just plain freakin' horrible!  You know, I get I get it... I understand that we can all be gassy at times.  I understand that we all have our moments, but this was just too much.  This evil cow didn't even have the grace to play the old lady card and laugh and say "oops!  Sorry about burning your eyebrows and nostril hairs off with that one."

Seriously.  Who does that? 

I'll answer my own question:  Boorish old ladies do it, that's who!

To prove my point, we will shift scenes and fast forward to last week, while I was shopping at Wegmans, I went to get some baking soda (soccergirl needed it for her itchy bug bites acquired at Girl Scout camp), and there was an older couple and a few other people in the aisle.  The older couple was standing right where I was going... and when I was about three feet away I heard a loud Brrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!coming from the old lady.  Everyone in the aisle looked aghast, and the lady never flinched.  Her husband had the grace to look mortified, as everyone else, with a look of horror on our faces, turned and fled the aisle.

Now, really.  No seriously.  That ain't right.  It's not even close to being right.  The very least she could have done would be to have gone someplace else to let that thing fly.

What is it that I am missing here?  That type of sophomoric behavior is usually the province of young men in their teens and early twenties.  Is it some sort of old lady empowerment thing?  Do they not care because they are getting too old to be bothered with the niceties of civil behavior?

Help a brother out, here.

Here is a picture of the offender in Florida.  The dirty cow!

 

WTF Wednesday: What Kind of Man Does This?

I know that I mentioned this last year, but I hope you won't mind if I talk about it again.   I'm talking about that crisis of men who don't get it (MWDGI).  Men Who Don't Get It are guys like the two particular examples that I saw yesterday at the Magic Kingdom.  Mrs gunfighter and SoccerGirl decided that the first thing they anted to do at the Magic Kingdom was to ride the train that circumnavigates the park, all the way from the entrance, around the park and back to the entrance.  Fun, right?  Sure... why not, it's vacation, eh?

So, there I was, in Mickey Mouse ears, and my really boss Wiley X sunglasses, getting on the train... when I saw a woman struggling to get her child's stroller on the train.  Well, whats a Man to do?  I put the (heavy a**) stroller on the train for her, for which she was grateful.  Hey, I don't mind, it's not that big a deal, ok?  Well, at least, I didn't mind until I noticed that the man smiling at me sheepishly wasn't some guy who thought I was hawt, it was this lady's HUSBAND!  The father of the child whose stroller I just put on the train!

Dude.  What's that all about?  Why weren't you doing that for your wife and kid?  You don't get it, and when I am King, guys like you are going into the penal battalions.  That is, after you are neutered.

The next example comes from the area over near Splash Mountain.  Now, I don't do flume rides, but this one is a particular favorite of Mrs Gunfighter and SoccerGirl.  They decided to brave the long line (or line-up for you Canucks) while I waited and fiddled with my Blackberry, trying to make it do more cool stuff.  I was waiting near the entrance/exit for the ride, in a place that is on a bit of an incline (there is a bridge there), which is a great place to watch people.  While I waited, watched, and fiddled, I saw a woman, a pretty little thing, pushing this huge tandem stroller (two kids included), up the incline.  She was really leaning into it, and huffing and puffing as she did so... all while her husband walked along-side, with nothing in his mitts.

Now, I realize that I only saw what I saw, and that what I saw may not have given me the whole story in both of these incidents, but from where I sat, I saw what I saw and I didn't like it.

Men:  We can't be good and decent men while the ladies in our lives (or ladies who are strangers) struggle to things that we should be helping with.

Ladies:  Don't get mad at me for suggesting you need help.  I know that you are strong, but a man should at least OFFER to help when you are struggling.

In a few minutes, we are heading for Disney Studios... and if I see any more guys like you, there might be... problems.

Barbarians At The Gate

Have any of you seen the 1990 Marlon Brando/Matthew Broderick movie, >"The Freshman"?

This movie was a fairly forgettable comedy about a Film School student (Broderick) that became involved with a mafioso-type criminal (Brando). The plot of the movie is irrelevant, because this post isn't about the movie.

So... where am I going with this? Bear with me for just a few, and I'll tell you my drift.


During this film, Broderick arrives in New York and is immediately preyed upon by a low-level thief, played by the late Bruno Kirby. Kirby's character is an airport car-service driver who, before he steals Broderick's luggage, discusses the salt-of-the-earth sort of people, whom he refers to as the "glue of society"... the kind of people who are holding the framework of society together.


Guess what, this post isn't about them, either.

No, this post is about those scuzzy people that are doing their best to destroy the world for decent folk. This post is about the family of ratbags that we saw at McDonald's this afternoon.

We spent the morning at one of Disney's water parks, which was a lot of fun. I got no end of entertainment from the people who don't understand the difference between a bikini that you sunbathe in and a bikini that you swim in. Anyway, after a few hours splashing in the waters, we decided to head back to our apartment, and change our clothes, but only after a fast lunch. Now, don't chide me about eating at McDonald's... we don't do it often.

So, we went to McDonald's and have lunch, and were almost finished when trouble came through the door. "Trouble?", you say? "Pray tell, Master Gunfighter". Alright Grasshopper, be patient. I knew that these people were trouble when they pulled up in their van and started piling through the door. Each of the four adults and three children flung the door open, and walked into the restaurant without the slightest consideration for the people that were following a short distance behind them. After loudly figuring out who wanted what (like this is difficult, right? It's f***ing McDONALD'S for God's sake!).

Well, once they got their orders settled, one of the two male adults went to sit at the table next to ours, at this table was a girl of about 12 who was watching a baby. Once the child's mother, whom I presume was this fellow's wife, sat down, he announced that he thought the child smelled "poopy" and handed the baby (old enough to walk) to the mother, who promptly opened this kid's diaper to confirm that she was indeed, poopy. Thank god for the fact that we were done with our meal, because the last thing I really needed while eating was a loaded diaper a few feet away.

As we collected out trash, the mother resealed the child's diaper, and proceeded to let this kid walk around on the table!

By the time we fled the dining area, no one had made a move to change that kid's diaper.

OK, I know that babies can be a bit stinky sometimes... but, come on! This idiot KNEW that the child had crapped his pants, and did nothing about it. When his wife or babymama or whatever, arrived on the scene SHE did nothing. What kind of people do that? What kind of people let a child with a FULL diaper walk on the table, barefoot in even a fast food restaurant?

THAT. IS. NASTY!

I can't be the only person that thinks this is rally bad behavior, can I?