I am an awesome warrior.
Evil people fear me. Many tremble when they know my arrival is imminent. I have caused governments to fall in countries bigger than Texas, just by showing up at the airport. I have caused people to lose a night of sleep because they knew that the dawn would bring light... and me.
I make Chuck Norris look like a sissy.
People who live in fear feel safe when I am around.
I'm a bad dude.
Better than all of those things is this: I have an awesome new haircut.