Friends, it's time for the 2008 Gunfighter awards!
The Gunfighter awards... where I will award my personal accolades on films, television, books, politics, blogs & bloggers and anything else that pops into my head.
Giving awards on an opinion basis is a lot of fun, because I don't have to worry about making any powerful people angry... what are they going to do to little 'ol me? Make sure that I never work in Hollywood? I don't think that's part of my life plan, so I don't have to worry about it. The only downside to THIS award show is what I said about it last year: that there will be no spectacularly bad dresses or tuxedos on the red carpet.
Our first award is Villain of The Year:
There are lots of people that we could give this award to... chief among them are George W. Bush and his ventriloquist, Dick Cheney. They've done enough long-term damage to this country to earn this distinction for the rest of their lives, but, they get no villain award this year. This year, the Villain of The Year award goes to Governor Rod Blagojevich (D-Illinois)
Really Governor? Trying to sell the Senate seat of the man who was just elected President of the United States? You really thought that you would get away with that? I am still stunned by it. Worse than stunned... I am appalled. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe this kind of thing happens all the time and this is just the first time it has been brought so fully to light. Maybe... but no matter what, Rod. You are pond scum. You are worse than pond scum.
You sir, are even more evil than the Grinch, and I am going to enjoy watching you do hard time.
The Worst Political Campaign Award:
This is a cinch, isn't it? This award should have been easy to award... but alas there is a tie. The two people who most deserve this award are serving United States Senators, and they are sharing this award because they both ran horrible campaigns for the Presidency of The United States.
These Senators waged the most shameful and disgusting Presidential campaigns I have witnessed in my life. Never, in my memory has there been a campaign that made more use of blatant fear-mongering and race-baiting. Never have I seen a Presidential candidates so clueless, that he didn't know what authority he had to appoint or dismiss various officials. Never have I seen a woman whom so many people admire for her progressive ideals willingly leap in to the mire of racism and "you're pickin' on me 'cause I'm a GIRL!" behavior. Never have I seen a Senator I once admired for his dignity and willingness to cross party lines turn into a party automaton and piss away all of the things that made him admirable, just so he could have a last grasp at the oval office.
This year, this award goes to Senators John McCain (R-Az), Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY)
The next award doesn't really need an explanation, does it? Well, it shouldn't, anyway. The next award is the: Don't-You-have-Better-Sense-Than-That? award
This award is for conspicuous bad judgment from someone that we SHOULDhave reason to believe is capable of much better judgment. I tried to make a determination between two strong candidates, this year, but I was unable to tell the two apart in term of how freakin' stupid they are, so this year's award goes to both Elliott Spitzer, the former Governor of New York, and John Edwards, former Senator and Presidential candidate from North Carolina!
Really, gentlemen... what were you thinking? I'll leave off of the moral accusations... there is enough that being flung about (deservedly) without me giving voice to it. What I will discuss is your incredible bad judgment. You really didn't think that you would ever be found out about your er... extramarital behavior? Edwards, while a Presidential candidate, has an affair, while his wife suffers from cancer? Dude! And Spitzer... well, at least we know his wasn't an affair of the heart. His affair(s) was/were strictly business: This idiot spent tens of thousands of dollars on whores.. or a particular whore, which somehow seems worse.
What makes all of this worse than just bad judgment, is the fact that these two effing morons were elected leaders. They actually believed that they either wouldn't get caught, or that they could charm their way out of the political fallout. Good grief. The arrogance is amazing.
No... I'm not the sex police. Personally, I'm not interested in the sex lives of politicians, but given the national political climate in America and our collective prudishness, these dummies really should have either done a better job of concealing their booty-call behavior, or stuck to web-porn for their jollies.
American Hero of the Year:
This award is for conspicuous bravery in the face of incredible scorn, hostility, ridicule and the pressure of the United States government. For braving professional antipathy, and potential loss of livelihood in order to do the right thing, the two recipients of this year's American Hero award are the two communications intercept officers at the National Security Agency (both Army reservists), who had the courage to speak up about the abuses that the super-secret agency were perpetrating in the name of "National Security", to wit: Eavesdropping and recording personal communication, including intimate discussions, between our soldiers serving overseas, and their loved ones back home... and then passing the recordings around the office. The persons who did this thing are despicable. If you have the time to listen to love-talk between a solider and his/her spouse/girlfriend/life partner, you clearly don't have much work to do... or you are a pervert. Pick one.
Best Movie of The Year:
Iron Man. Hands down. Don't EVENtry to mess with me on this one. Don't give me any crap about Batman or Heath Ledger. Nope. Uh uh. Not havin' any. Robert Downey Jr. was the best possible choice to play Tony Stark/Iron Man. The movie was well made with great production values... enough to satisfy even the overgrow comic-book geeks like yours truly. Get it on DVD right away!
Unintentional Starting Of A New Catchphrase:
You know, being a political year, I would have to say that the hands down winner in this category has to be: "Drill, baby, Drill!" I wish this one was as much fun as "Don't Tase Me, Bro!", but you can't have everything, I suppose.
Best Entertainment Discovery
Jim Haskins, the professional financial planner who turned his love of cocktail music into the recording series "Cocktail Piano". Mr Haskins is only a quasi-professiaonal pianist, and has produced at least 11 excellent CD's of the most wonderful music. These CD's are great for good conversation, and easy listening... and if you have a cocktail party, well, they are perfect.
Well, I can think of no one more deserving than Colbie Callet. If you are wondering who Colbie Callet is, don't feel like the lone ranger... I had no idea who she was until Mrs Gunfighter mentioned her to me. Mrs GF then went on to tell me about that obnoxious song that Callet sings: "Bubbly". Don't know the name?> I didn't either... it's that damned "Starts in my toes and it crinkles my nose..." song that you hear waaay to often on the radio.
The Way Out Of Your Depth Award:
This is a no-brainer... just like this year's recipient. The Way-out-of-your-depth award goes to Governor Sarah Palin (R-AK). Do I need to give examples? How about I start and end with the fact that she doesn't really know what the Vice President is supposed to do?
Most Deserving Presidential candidate:
Dennis Kucinich. Too bad most people won't listen to him. I disagree with his position regarding Israel/Hamas, but he still deserved a better hearing than he got from the entrenched Democratic leadership.
Hottest Chick In Hollywood:
It's still Salma Hayek. Lord have mercy.
The Worst Lawyer In America:
Alberto Gonzalez. Hey, 'Berto, you are supposed to UPHOLD the law when you are attorney general... not break it or twist it to suit your master's illegal purposes.
The Best Beer In America:
Stone Imperial Stout
The biggest curmudgeon in America
Senator Ted Stevens (R-Ak) Enjoy prison, Senator. You earned that cell, in spades.
The Best Television Show
There is a tie, ladies and gentlemen! A tie. This award goes to my favorite TV shows: Boston Legal, amd Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
Sadly, the 2008 season was the fifth and final season for Boston Legal, which, for me, was the funniest show on television. Much more than being funny, though, Boston Legal was smart. It was political (and my kind of politics, too!), it was well-produced, and the writing was superb. Of course, the absolute strongest part of the show was the on-screen interaction between characters Denny Crane and Alan Shore, played by William Shatner and James Spader, respectively. I doubt television sees anything as smart as this for some time to come. Alas.
As for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, this show isn't about smart. Nope. It's about cyborgs, morality, time travel, and blowing things up. All of which are things I enjoy. This season was even better than the last, and centered on... oh, you don't need to know the plot devices, do you? See, there is this one cyborg, palyed by hot chick Summer Glau, who doesn't look like she could hurt a fly, and she is ass-kicker numero uno on this show. What's not to love?
The Worst Television Show
This award goes out, with love and great big smoochy kisses, to all of those awful home-design shows on HGTV. All of 'em. 'Nuff said
Best Gift Award
The best gift award goes to Mrs Gunfighter, who gave me a smokin' hot (and expensive) Japanese-made Santoku Chef's knife for Christmas. Laugh if you like, but it was the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. Thanks, baby.
The second-best gift was the new Chevy Tahoe that Uncle Sam just gave me to drive. It had 38 miles on it when I picked it up. SCORE!
Mrs. Gunfighter says that the best for her is at the Visitors Center at Colonial Williamsburg. No doubt we always find great things that we can't find elsewhere... but for me, it is the book section of the gift shop at Washington, DC's National Cathedral. Just awesome.
Has to be Bruton Parish in Williamsburg, Va. It is the oldest, or one of the oldest, Episcopal congregations in the United States. I really love that place.
Best Hotel Chain
The Hilton Garden Inn: Hilton has never let us down in any of the places that we have stayed in them... and that is quite a few at this point.
Best Youth Sports Coaching Award
This award goes to Coach Patty. Patty is a former jock herself, and has proven to be a great leader for the players on SoccerGirl's team. I think that it is a great thing for the girls to have a woman as a coach, so they can see that women can be strong athletes and leaders too! Hat's off to you, Patty... I appreciate you more than I can say.
Worst Political Prognosticator of the Year
Shelby Steele: For believing and writing a book stating that Barack Obama COULDN'T win the Presidency. Mr. Steele is an eminent academic and respect his body of work... but Mr. Steele, what part of YES WE CAN! did you not get?
Stupidest Athlete of The Year
Plaxeco Burress (WTF were HIS parents thinking about??): For shooting himself in the leg with an illegal handgun in night club.
If only he had been carrying the gun in his hat.
Horse's Ass of the Year
George W. Bush: What? You thought I was going to leave him alone this year? fat chance. Bwaaahahahahahahahaha!
...and there you have them. The 2008 gunfighter awards.
Happy New Year, everyone!